Lately, I've felt as if I am being ironed. Every day a new corner of me is being opened and flattened by enormous unseen forces. My nervous system doesn't like this very much, but I walk with the words "I am willing" under my breath, day in and day out.
I love this community very much, and to hear your voice too. Your poetry and your insights are like tiny precious stones to me. It's been a while since we've talked in a thread, and I'd love to hear from you.
How is your heart feeling these days? How do you endure the unseen forces, forcing? What words do you hold close to you as you walk through this changing, tumultuous world? How do you hold your heartbreak? What do you know to be true?
I’m lonely for this kind of connection. Thank you for your sharing and contribution to this soulful dialogue.
For too long I have carried my grief, my resentment, my pain and now I consciously open my heart to begin anew every day. I lost my wife to cancer four years ago and I begin my days with a quiet meditation and reflection focusing on the kindness and happiness that surrounds me through the day, thankfulness and gratitude for the people in my life, and a focus on living joyously. So I sing outloud cuz that always makes me smile and I dance - the two step from the kitchen around the living room and back to the kitchen. I can't help smiling, my heart smiles too and I am present and I am happy.
Even in times of darkness, my weary heart can find aliveness in my body even if its simply the absence of pain. I tune into the senses, find just one that feels pleasurable and lean into it. Today I took time to smell my coffee. To lean into the ability to smell. With my eyes closed I can sense it even deeper, bringing this joy into my body. I know that this exploration can bring me back to my body where I may need to process something I am holding, or I may simply need to find connection where there is disconnect. What a wonder - to have these senses, to be human.
I have to be honest, I feel on fire! I’m at a stage of my life where I know what I’m wanting. I work in emergency services and our world and sense of safety is being continuously battered... I’m over it, so on a new path following my dream ( becoming a flight attendant and an empty nester) and also learning to handstand. Life is so good xx
My heart says this must be my year of LESS. Less Noise, less Distraction, less Numbing, less Sadness, less Seriousness, less Fear, less Stories, less Control, less Perfection, less Escaping, less Running, less Spinning, less Therapy, less FIXING. I’m just exhausted by it all. I just want to BE. As painful and heartbreaking and scary as that is. It’s better than this constant feeling of trying to push my body and mind Uphill. It’s time to surrender, let it come as it will, and trust that it will all move Through me.
Apr 3, 2023·edited Apr 3, 2023Liked by Sarah Blondin
Hi, Sarah,
Funny enough, I feel as though I have been ironed out flat too. I actually use your words on a daily basis, “I am here, and I care”. However, what has been most helpful is connection and asking for help. I need you, this community, and all other beings to remind me that “I am here, and I care. It is WITHOUT question, your soul has touched my soul, and most importantly, saved my life. I know in turn what you give, I use, and others reap too. I appreciate you reaching out to continue the cyclical process of reciprocity. I love you dear one.
thank you Sarah. i feel in a similar place. the discomfort i have felt has been increased to bordering on painful. like i want to crawl out of my own skin.
i find myself saying..i surrender. i say this to remind me that i want the growth this place will bring.
Surrender. That's my word of the year. It may seem like a negative word, but for me it has been empowering. When I surrender to what is, there is less forcing, to use your word. I also use yoga, meditation, and acupuncture to keep my body, mind and spirit renewed, relaxed, and refreshed.
I feel as if I’m on my growth edge (recent meditation teacher, MMTCP graduate) and am drowning in grief as my beloved service dog died from liver cancer in February.
I live with a traumatic brain injury and am training to offer help via mindfulness and yoga to my TBI community.
I am willing, willing, willing and grief keeps coming up and washing over me. Riding these waves is the work, I know this.
The thick, hot ball of grief, the feelings of shame and fear are here right now in my throat and chest.
I see them. I feel them. I surrender to them. I am allowing for the waves to crash over me.
Knowing we are in brave space together helps.
Thank you, Sarah for creating space for us to just be….. together.🦋💕
I have to find my friend-tree in de woods and just sit in her arms, leaning with the back of my heart to her trunk and breathe. My dog playing along around me. Keep still and become part of the sounds in the woods. Breathing, connect to the hearts of you all, we do this work together. I am not crazy, i am (still) healing, its not only from me, its from all of us and in that depth, i try to feel love and compassion. The monkey mind might get a little bit quiet, maybe not. But i am still here, on this tiny speck that spins around in the eternal universe. Wonders....
What I know to be true is that being out in nature, grass, dirt, flowers, trees, birds, mountains, ALL of it, never disappoints. Starting my grief awareness workshops feels like good and important work. And ultimately tying that with nature and yoga. Some days I feel like such a small drip in it all. But I remind myself that I’m here. And somehow I am needed, in some way, by somebody.
Recently, I have felt a heaviness on these shoulders. I am surrounded by voices insisting my son and his friends shouldn’t exist. I am called a bad father for loving my child for who he is and for arguing for the dignity and humanity of those like him.
The voices are loud and powerful, but I remind myself they are but the death rattle of a paradigm giving way to the birth of something beautiful and holy. More birth pangs are on the horizon, but afterward—there will be new life.
Oh my goodness yes. Ironed, opened and flattened. I feel this too. I like your words, "I am willing," although I don't exactly feel willing these days. More accurate for me perhaps is, "I am here," which has a sense of willing in it I suppose... and on those days when I'm truly struggling with that flattened feeling, starving for a reprieve from the chaos, wanting even just a moment of stable ground, I remind myself, "I am grateful to be here." I hold my heartbreak by making art, walking around a nearby lake and connecting with the geese and ducks, writing love letters to my body, busying myself with school (I am training to be an integrative wellness coach), listening to the faraway voices of my grown children over the telephone. There's not a whole lot I know to be true these days, to be honest... but when I'm at home in my heart, I'm okay with the mystery and can sense that I am capable of deep love, no matter what.
Apr 3, 2023·edited Apr 3, 2023Liked by Sarah Blondin
Thank-you for the encouragement to share! Here are my top 5 medicines for my soul:
1. I look for the "pleasant surprises around the corner". This keeps me seeking out pleasant surprises, acknowledging them (even the smallest of them), and, of course, this keeps them coming, and keeps me focused on the positive.
2. I say the Serenity Prayer every morning before I get out of bed, and I do the 12 Steps quickly. This helps me remember that my higher power (however one thinks about it) wants me to be happy and cares. And takes care of things that I just can't (I have a little "miracle jar" filled with beautiful little stones - one for every miracle in my life - a miracle that I didn't think would ever be possible - something that had nothing to do with me forcing it). Doing step 4 also helps me pick one thing to focus on for the day (e.g., today I focused on my critical nature, and then it came to me that my job today was to stop being so critical of myself!). So my focus is self compassion as it relates to my critical nature today. And as a bonus, this helps me stay focused on what I can control and change - me!
3. Sometimes I just chant "trust" all day. I write it on my hand, I say it under my breath. Trusting that "everything will be okay in the end, and that if it's not okay, it's not the end" has been a lifelong challenge for me.
4. As obvious as it is, I have to remind myself to stay in the present moment where everything is manageable and possible.
5. And finally, I focus on what I want. I turn around and decide to focus on how I want to feel. May I feel... (relief). May I feel... (satisfied). May I feel... (safe). (peaceful) (calm) (connected) (inspired). This works like a charm.
Apr 3, 2023·edited Apr 3, 2023Liked by Sarah Blondin
I've been feeling the same. Your meditation "practicing gentle kindness" is a daily reminder for me that the ironing doesn't mean something is wrong with me. It reminds me I'm being given an invitation to shower myself with more love. To lean in and accept instead of resist and shame. That this too is a gift from love and is increasing my capacity to hold love for myself and others. Noticing the tension and how it increases when I resist it and decreases when I allow it.
You're not the only one. There ARE unseen forces abound that we know exist, both intellectually as well as in our guts. Things are shifting in the world and it's a very odd time we're living in. I vacillate daily, sometimes hourly, between the deepest sadness I have known (I am just turning 65) and remembering to use my tools to look at the present moment and say to myself, "woman in garden".
Thankfully, about a year ago, I discovered breathwork and that has helped a little bit but the biggest help for me is just literally not being attached to what is and what's happening and how it 'may' affect us and the world.
Humans can be the most generous and loving creatures and in an instant, flip to be the most selfish, greedy, destructive animal on the planet. I think we're always been this way...it's a flaw for sure.
How do I hold my heartbreak? By convincing myself that most people are good. That most of us want the same things...love, touching, joy, connection, chocolate! I keep in mind that this is just a blip in time and there have been far too many blips in time that have also been overwhelming to the humans who experienced them.
I, like you, find solace in the forest, which is why springtime in Montana is the hardest for me. Ice, snow, slush...I just feel as though I'm in jail waiting for it all to melt. Soon though, very soon.
What I know to be true...YOU are true. I am true. The people who love you are true. The love I had for my dog whom I lost last year was the truest ever and still brings me to a puddle if I let my attention rest too long on a photo or her dog bed which, for whatever reason, I resist finding a new home for.
Sunshine is true. Hell, it's all true. The key is not being attached but loving whatever is anyway.
We're here. We love you...I love you more than you may ever know.
Many hugs from Montana. Come visit. Bring your boys. We'll walk in the woods together and leave the boys with my boyfriend. He's teach them how to make a pot in our pottery studio and pick carrots in my garden.
Thank you for reaching out...Much love and tenderness...Elisabeth
Thank you for offering this. I, too, have been feeling disconnected from myself and others. Heart healing is a lot of "what does my soul need to tell me today" journal prompts and breath work. Sinking into my body to ask her what she needs. The heartbreak doesn't get easier. As a mental health professional and coach, the pain will always be and I do my best to process so that others may be lifted in their experience with pain.
What I know to be true is every time I surrender to what is, something opens up (ie. an idea, a release, a readiness, a different opportunity, a relationship, etc).
I'm an in a care giving living arrangement with my best friend.,fellow traveller, colleague, horse lover and so much more. We are in her final days under hospice. I am here,I am home is my nightly ritual. Thank you
I feel it too. Today has been so uncomfortable. My first thought is why does this always happen to me and no one else? I was so desperate for relief which I always find in your words sarah. I started listening to your work on living from the heart. It brought me tears of relief to know I’m not alone. And then I saw this post. 💕 Thank you, just to know I’m not alone. That this is being human and existing and showing up.
There is a toolbox - which always has to be renewed. Old tools which used to work might get weak and need some sharpening, or new tools and insight wisdom comes and might end up in the toolbox. Even the techniques are slightly changing to keep the mind enganged - the techniques in the toolbox always come down to the same essence. A kind and gentle talk to yourself - might it be the work with the breath to ease the pain or a clear and conscious absorption of all the beauty around us. The appreciation of the smallest things which contribute to laughter and joy. A smile of a stranger, a comforting word, a sound of a bird, a pleasant tune on spotify. Dancing with the sense of fear, instead of hiding. Showing up to your own strength. An every day practice, an every day another chance to stay in the loving part of ourselves.
Thank you Sarah for bringing me back in your gentle way to be with myself and to be kind to myself. Tomorrow is Emily’s birthday my youngest daughter who passed in 2017. I have a garden for her in my backyard and in my heart. I let friends comfort me by sharing their memories of my sweet amazing girl and I let her comfort me as she comes and sits beside me and whispers “I love you Mom and I’m always with you.”
I am a new mother to a sweet little boy who turned 6 months old yesterday. I feel, somehow, like every day is pulling every last ounce of life and energy out of me, and, like every day is revealing a magic that I used to only dream about. Holding the duality of this precious, painful time with love is a breath by breath endeavor. I am determined to love this chapter well, and so very grateful for all of your words that serve as tiny lanterns while I feel my way through this path I cannot yet see clearly.
It's so comforting to hear you say, "I'm lonely for this kind of connection." I've tried to focus lately on contraction vs. expansion (from somatic therapy sessions) The contraction is always uncomfortable, but necessary. More frequent grounding - touch dirt, water, breath. Reminding ourselves we are here and now.
Your words. I could read your writings all day long or listen to you all day long on insight timer.
When my monkey mind and my wounded heart take over I need time in nature and a good long walk/hike to make everything right again. I step away from the world for a minute. I breathe differently. I think differently. I feel differently. I am made a little bit more whole again and my vision becomes more clear. Big hugs for keeping us connected. xx
I felt like I was in a body suit before transitioning, with the gaze from society reflecting back to me how wrong of a woman I was. I used to have my compass set towards self destruction, but it's been years now.
Well, now I feel better than I have in my entire life, physically and mentally. Sobriety, transitioning (not accepting myself had a lot to do with using), therapy, and building a community...I feel awake, alive, and like I am healing deep wounds (slowly but surely).
Interesting, how my joy, happiness, and autonomy over my body are seen as evil (I bet others who aren't trans can relate). Or maybe it's just a threat to Power? Either way, I worry about the wounds that are being created within me, within my community, right now. Surely societies messages of me being an abomination are seeping in. I'm not sure how or when they will manifest, metastasize. Just like COVID/quarantine. How is the collective and individual trauma showing up from that experience? I'm sure it's impacting me. Maybe all this hate is a result of that?
But...the unmooring comes from not being able to settle, feeling the need to be ready to go if I can't access healthcare one day. And where will I go?
That classic saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is certainly true, but in western societies we forget all too soon that the children we once were still live and breathe in our hearts every moment of every day. The sense of community has never been more needed as our devices that were meant to build bridges of communication and understanding instead drive us farther apart and isolate us in this digital information age. Real community, connection with our fellow humans, support of each other not as a form of trade or manipulation, awareness of our interconnected nature, and compassion & empathy have never been more needed. Give as you can, receive as you need, and explore your unique gifts to the healing of this world and all our relations. 🙏
Not so much ironed as shattered...and not even sure which pieces go with which...and yet feeling a freedom in that...and to some extent I don't have to figure it out if I keep listening... softening instead of hardening...there is a joy in the rawness.
I can definitely relate to your perspective. Life is a complex mixture of both suffering and joy, similar to the starlight that shines through the vast darkness of space. As I embark on my journey to become a first-time mother, this contrast seems even more striking. Your words resonate with many of us who often struggle to put these emotions into words.
Lately, I have been contemplating the discrepancy between the pace of modern life and how our ancestors lived in harmony with nature. I have found solace in watching the "Our Universe" series on Netflix, which explains how the sun's energy powers all living things, from the grass to the cheetah. All living creatures need energy to survive, and the mother cheetah is a prime example of how energy should be conserved and spent wisely. Sometimes rest is necessary, and other times it is crucial to move forward and take action.
It's fascinating to think about how these concepts are tied to our nervous system and how we react to different situations. Thank you for the prompt! I hope whoever is reading this gets a warm hug from the universe. :)
I too am feeling the weight of our time. It is hard, it is sharp edged and it is lonely. I try to shut out the noise as much as possible but it seeps through like water. There is always a crack. But I know why I’m here, and it’s to be of service. I find all of the ways I can to stay in flow, to feel aligned. I see people living in alignment with their purpose...it is a vibration. I speak with my guides, I am meeting new aspects of myself I never would have believed to be true. I repeat to myself, “Do It With Ease”or even, “Now try it again, with ease”...even the hard stuff. Ease is a place I go, it’s available more often than I would have guessed before I tried. It’s more like a choice, like choosing joy. I keep my focus small and appreciate what I have here and now. And I wholeheartedly appreciate this community and the unity I find here. I appreciate you all. X
You continually amaze Sarah and you bring such a beautiful collective together to deep dialogue, for which I'm always grateful. We truly do inhabit a world full of "unseen forces, forcing"--and contribute to those unseen forces even though our culture doesn't like acknowledging or looking closely at any of this. But doing so brings so much healing for ourselves and others as you astutely verbalize regularly. It all has value if we allow it.
I recently encountered this lovely quote from J. Krishnamurti and it brings me home again and again, reminding me that the kindness and goodness I so crave to see in the world actually begins with me:
"What you are, the world is. And without your transformation, there can be no transformation of the world. "
2023 for me, so far, has carried these two qualities: Humility and Humor. Realizing that sometimes I'm the problem, and to be humble enough to laugh at myself through the discomfort. Humble enough to realize the absurdity of humanhood and sometimes all we need is a good giggle to start moving forward. Humor is a balm when humility feels too heavy. When the unseen forces are forcing, I welcome the chaos with a chuckle sparked by the adrenaline of change. "Bring it on", I say, wiping the nervous sweat away. And Sarah, you've taught me to hold my heartbreak with humility and grace, for I know the more honestly I tend to it, the more sustainable the healing will be. I know these things to be true; that with humility and humor, joy is always near.
So….this is what you taught me to do. You told me to picture a time when it hurt this bad; either
now or before. I was in kindergarten and drawing the MOST beautiful picture of my house. I loved
it. I proudly took it to the circle and showed it, and the teacher laughed and said, “But the chimney is
crooked.” The other kids laughed, too. I was wide open, undefended, and took this as a sucker punch. I was heartbroken and deflated. I knew there was no one at home who would understand how much that dissing hurt. Fifty years later, you asked me to remember. I saw and felt her. I went over to her in that kindergarten room and told her what a wonderful picture it was. Then I looked across the circle and saw Frank Lloyd Wright sitting there. He smiled and said, “I like your chimney”. So, ‘I like my chimney’, has become my mantra. When I catch myself needing external validation,
these words of my OWN heart love, come in to remind me of who I am regardless of what others say
or do. “I like my chimney.” It is not easy. It is awkward and the scary part is the time lapse before the peace returns. But it DOES return….always. Just like you said it would. Thank you, brave Sarah.
I often like to say that I have a "vulnerability hangover". For instance, yesterday was my birthday and I had so much audacity - I was proudly and loudly celebrating myself all day. When I woke up this morning I immediately felt ashamed - like I must have been annoying to everyone around me. Too much. But when I name that feeling of shame a "vulnerability hangover" it reminds me that my body, heart and guts just need to repair themselves from taking risks and putting my true self out there. And if I tell people "I have a vulnerably hangover" they often really relate to the sensation and then my bad feelings start to go away...
I watch the birds and hear them sing. Life goes on, my broken heart is nesting with woodpeckers, is in the coffee grounds, the clouds, in me. I endure it, I share it for my pain is loud yet unheard. I want to connect but where. The rawness is oozing that makes most look away.
My purpose has been captured without my consent. Being pulled by forces beyond my control, I am being told to bend a knee that is not authentic to me. These forces hold my livelihood in their hands, and whether or not they care to be responsible for this, it is my current truth. I am caught, unable to change this truth, I must endure. I have grown from this experience, I have become more resilient. And although I may not be able to make a change at this time, I am making the best of the situation. Meditation, reflection, and space are where I find peace.
I am swirling, my heart open amidst the unexpected loss of 2 extended family members who were within a year, older than I am at 62. Wow, how life changes in a blink, therefore the sharing of our precious and abundant love, our connective tissues with those who we adore at every opportunity matters. Now I look to the stars 🌟 above, the light pushing away my darkness layer by layer.
My family of origin and I have been navigating a sister deteriorating into psychosis, who cannot touch another without slinging her despair, delusion, and anger. I have watched her quick descent with sadness, but also fear. I feel my chest tighten as she rants and rages and I wonder what juice emerges from *me* when I am squeezed. Would life eventually forge me into a bullet, instead of a bowl? Have I shown kindness and love? Have I dripped light and peace into this storm--even if it has been whipped away? Or am I allowing the amphitheater of my ribcage to become a shrinking cast, like armor I am outgrowing, to stifle my trust in grace?
My anxiety finds the dark answer, of course, but I breathe through it, for it is not an answer carved in stone, but in tissues that constantly replenish. The message is changing in me, with every breath I allow in like rays of sun, with every upward trusting glance into the expanding universe above me.
Your words ring so true to me. I recently made a significant change in my life, and though it was
Well thought out, the aftermath has been unsettling. I used to talk myself out of these feelings by setting a new goal but now am I trying to just lean into the emotion and take one next step past it. I confess it feels like I’m getting tossed around by the undertow of a wave but when that has happened I’ve always been able to swim back to shore.
recently my 18 yo daughter experienced extreme heartbreak due to a breakup with her boyfriend. Gutted is a good word to describe how she felt and watching her ache and be in such pain was like pulling a bandaid off of a very old wound. i wept with her and held her while she tried to make sense of it all. in allowing space for that grief i remembered my practice of letting everything in. To the grief, I said, "Yes, this too" and "I see you grief. Come have a seat next to me and I will see you until you are ready to leave." I asked for the universe to allow me to hold her heart so that it doesn't break completely. i promised to return it in its true form when the pain had stopped.
i have been reminded so many times from your teachings that there are blessings in the wounds and i was reminded on Rumi's quote, "what wounds you blesses you". my daughter is an empath through and through. these last few days were crippling for her. she couldn't eat or sleep. all she could do was cry. can you remind me of the analogy of a flute being carved? her pain is shaping her and i believe she will be a the field of healing some day.
I'd like to say I am coping well. I'm not. I cut back on my work as a therapist a few years ago when I got a chronic fatigue-like condition and have been slowly trying to pull my way back up and out into life again. I am older and it is harder as we age to regenerate. So I am sticking to basics: meditation, eating simply and more healthily, connecting with good friends, going to Quaker Meeting (my church) and removing myself from watching mainstream news and a lot of social media. Exercise is very difficult and I have put on a lot of weight which I am also trying to deal with. I practice gratitude and compassion-for self and all sentient life. I composed a prayer that I recite at least once a day: Thank you for this blessed perfect day; for all things given and not; for my life and ife itself. May all sentient life be free from suffering; may we be safe; may we be happy. Amen. Reciting it grounds me. Wishing you well and thank you for being there!
at present, my heart and mind are quiet, still and full. i am also not sleeping well and am pretty sure i'm losing my hair. my body doesn't lie. she's anxious.
how i care for my heart:
i play music and burn incense. i practice yoga - close my eyes. breathe. feel my back on the floor.
i walk outside when i can. look for the birds. enjoy sunrises and that blue time at the end of day.
i shower my husband with little kisses.
cook beautiful, comforting food.
words i am clinging to: liminal, freedom, peace, letting go, joy
i have a tattoo on my upper left chest - almost shoulder. it's a heart i made as a kid - i put my hand there. it always gives me joy.
Right now I’m 3 months into a move to a new state and I ended my 10 year career to start a career more based in the metaphysical. I have been struggling to find who is my authentic self. Will these new friends like me? Will they care I don’t drink? What in the world will everyone think of this new business? So many, many confusing thoughts run wild through my brain daily, yet the little voice keep going is who I tune into. The little voice that tells me this is the path you need to travel is the one I try to keep listening too. I wobble, I weep and yet I come back to I believe in me. It’s hard right now but I do find grounding myself daily, clearing and protecting my energy daily, pulling an oracle card, reading a page of a book each morning and journaling bring me back to self. Oh and hot long baths. Sarah, your words, your guidance, your raw honesty is what I need and what so many in this world need. I look forward to your shares and discussions.
Embarking on a new chapter. 40 years in mental health as a clinician. Saying goodbye to the last of my clients and beginning to hope for a new relationship with life other than as caregiver/provider. Awaking early each morning as the transition approaches feeling startled and apprehensive.
Despite all of the the fear and anger and confusion and grief that seems to find us... It’s still just amazing that we get to be alive. That we’re still on this side of wrestling with the tensions of this life and not on the other side - when perhaps we’ll be seeing with more clarity that all the scenarios of tension were just more opportunities for us to be love and fill these beautifully stretched hearts of ours a bit more.
I recently watched "Women Talking" (highly recommend!) and it wrecked me in the best way. I can't stop thinking about it. One line in particular is one that I've been carrying around me with me -- "Never fighting, always moving. Never fighting, always moving."
I was eating caramel candies and watching people's shoes.
It was very tempting to look up, and everytime the urge took hold, I'd pop another caramel and keep my eyes on the ground.
Boots, slip ons, high heels, office squares, pixie sneakers, hard core executives, slip ons with a bandage wrapped around the little toe. The one that goes wee, wee, wee, all the way home.
For too long I have carried my grief, my resentment, my pain and now I consciously open my heart to begin anew every day. I lost my wife to cancer four years ago and I begin my days with a quiet meditation and reflection focusing on the kindness and happiness that surrounds me through the day, thankfulness and gratitude for the people in my life, and a focus on living joyously. So I sing outloud cuz that always makes me smile and I dance - the two step from the kitchen around the living room and back to the kitchen. I can't help smiling, my heart smiles too and I am present and I am happy.
Even in times of darkness, my weary heart can find aliveness in my body even if its simply the absence of pain. I tune into the senses, find just one that feels pleasurable and lean into it. Today I took time to smell my coffee. To lean into the ability to smell. With my eyes closed I can sense it even deeper, bringing this joy into my body. I know that this exploration can bring me back to my body where I may need to process something I am holding, or I may simply need to find connection where there is disconnect. What a wonder - to have these senses, to be human.
I have to be honest, I feel on fire! I’m at a stage of my life where I know what I’m wanting. I work in emergency services and our world and sense of safety is being continuously battered... I’m over it, so on a new path following my dream ( becoming a flight attendant and an empty nester) and also learning to handstand. Life is so good xx
My heart says this must be my year of LESS. Less Noise, less Distraction, less Numbing, less Sadness, less Seriousness, less Fear, less Stories, less Control, less Perfection, less Escaping, less Running, less Spinning, less Therapy, less FIXING. I’m just exhausted by it all. I just want to BE. As painful and heartbreaking and scary as that is. It’s better than this constant feeling of trying to push my body and mind Uphill. It’s time to surrender, let it come as it will, and trust that it will all move Through me.
Hi, Sarah,
Funny enough, I feel as though I have been ironed out flat too. I actually use your words on a daily basis, “I am here, and I care”. However, what has been most helpful is connection and asking for help. I need you, this community, and all other beings to remind me that “I am here, and I care. It is WITHOUT question, your soul has touched my soul, and most importantly, saved my life. I know in turn what you give, I use, and others reap too. I appreciate you reaching out to continue the cyclical process of reciprocity. I love you dear one.
Warmly,
JoMarie
thank you Sarah. i feel in a similar place. the discomfort i have felt has been increased to bordering on painful. like i want to crawl out of my own skin.
i find myself saying..i surrender. i say this to remind me that i want the growth this place will bring.
i’m for this space of connection to kindred souls
🖤
Such profound and reflective sharing. From my teary eyes and softened heart, I thank you.
Surrender. That's my word of the year. It may seem like a negative word, but for me it has been empowering. When I surrender to what is, there is less forcing, to use your word. I also use yoga, meditation, and acupuncture to keep my body, mind and spirit renewed, relaxed, and refreshed.
Hello Sarah and friends.
I feel as if I’m on my growth edge (recent meditation teacher, MMTCP graduate) and am drowning in grief as my beloved service dog died from liver cancer in February.
I live with a traumatic brain injury and am training to offer help via mindfulness and yoga to my TBI community.
I am willing, willing, willing and grief keeps coming up and washing over me. Riding these waves is the work, I know this.
The thick, hot ball of grief, the feelings of shame and fear are here right now in my throat and chest.
I see them. I feel them. I surrender to them. I am allowing for the waves to crash over me.
Knowing we are in brave space together helps.
Thank you, Sarah for creating space for us to just be….. together.🦋💕
I have to find my friend-tree in de woods and just sit in her arms, leaning with the back of my heart to her trunk and breathe. My dog playing along around me. Keep still and become part of the sounds in the woods. Breathing, connect to the hearts of you all, we do this work together. I am not crazy, i am (still) healing, its not only from me, its from all of us and in that depth, i try to feel love and compassion. The monkey mind might get a little bit quiet, maybe not. But i am still here, on this tiny speck that spins around in the eternal universe. Wonders....
What I know to be true is that being out in nature, grass, dirt, flowers, trees, birds, mountains, ALL of it, never disappoints. Starting my grief awareness workshops feels like good and important work. And ultimately tying that with nature and yoga. Some days I feel like such a small drip in it all. But I remind myself that I’m here. And somehow I am needed, in some way, by somebody.
Recently, I have felt a heaviness on these shoulders. I am surrounded by voices insisting my son and his friends shouldn’t exist. I am called a bad father for loving my child for who he is and for arguing for the dignity and humanity of those like him.
The voices are loud and powerful, but I remind myself they are but the death rattle of a paradigm giving way to the birth of something beautiful and holy. More birth pangs are on the horizon, but afterward—there will be new life.
Oh my goodness yes. Ironed, opened and flattened. I feel this too. I like your words, "I am willing," although I don't exactly feel willing these days. More accurate for me perhaps is, "I am here," which has a sense of willing in it I suppose... and on those days when I'm truly struggling with that flattened feeling, starving for a reprieve from the chaos, wanting even just a moment of stable ground, I remind myself, "I am grateful to be here." I hold my heartbreak by making art, walking around a nearby lake and connecting with the geese and ducks, writing love letters to my body, busying myself with school (I am training to be an integrative wellness coach), listening to the faraway voices of my grown children over the telephone. There's not a whole lot I know to be true these days, to be honest... but when I'm at home in my heart, I'm okay with the mystery and can sense that I am capable of deep love, no matter what.
Thank-you for the encouragement to share! Here are my top 5 medicines for my soul:
1. I look for the "pleasant surprises around the corner". This keeps me seeking out pleasant surprises, acknowledging them (even the smallest of them), and, of course, this keeps them coming, and keeps me focused on the positive.
2. I say the Serenity Prayer every morning before I get out of bed, and I do the 12 Steps quickly. This helps me remember that my higher power (however one thinks about it) wants me to be happy and cares. And takes care of things that I just can't (I have a little "miracle jar" filled with beautiful little stones - one for every miracle in my life - a miracle that I didn't think would ever be possible - something that had nothing to do with me forcing it). Doing step 4 also helps me pick one thing to focus on for the day (e.g., today I focused on my critical nature, and then it came to me that my job today was to stop being so critical of myself!). So my focus is self compassion as it relates to my critical nature today. And as a bonus, this helps me stay focused on what I can control and change - me!
3. Sometimes I just chant "trust" all day. I write it on my hand, I say it under my breath. Trusting that "everything will be okay in the end, and that if it's not okay, it's not the end" has been a lifelong challenge for me.
4. As obvious as it is, I have to remind myself to stay in the present moment where everything is manageable and possible.
5. And finally, I focus on what I want. I turn around and decide to focus on how I want to feel. May I feel... (relief). May I feel... (satisfied). May I feel... (safe). (peaceful) (calm) (connected) (inspired). This works like a charm.
Martha :)
I've been feeling the same. Your meditation "practicing gentle kindness" is a daily reminder for me that the ironing doesn't mean something is wrong with me. It reminds me I'm being given an invitation to shower myself with more love. To lean in and accept instead of resist and shame. That this too is a gift from love and is increasing my capacity to hold love for myself and others. Noticing the tension and how it increases when I resist it and decreases when I allow it.
Hi sweet human...
You're not the only one. There ARE unseen forces abound that we know exist, both intellectually as well as in our guts. Things are shifting in the world and it's a very odd time we're living in. I vacillate daily, sometimes hourly, between the deepest sadness I have known (I am just turning 65) and remembering to use my tools to look at the present moment and say to myself, "woman in garden".
Thankfully, about a year ago, I discovered breathwork and that has helped a little bit but the biggest help for me is just literally not being attached to what is and what's happening and how it 'may' affect us and the world.
Humans can be the most generous and loving creatures and in an instant, flip to be the most selfish, greedy, destructive animal on the planet. I think we're always been this way...it's a flaw for sure.
How do I hold my heartbreak? By convincing myself that most people are good. That most of us want the same things...love, touching, joy, connection, chocolate! I keep in mind that this is just a blip in time and there have been far too many blips in time that have also been overwhelming to the humans who experienced them.
I, like you, find solace in the forest, which is why springtime in Montana is the hardest for me. Ice, snow, slush...I just feel as though I'm in jail waiting for it all to melt. Soon though, very soon.
What I know to be true...YOU are true. I am true. The people who love you are true. The love I had for my dog whom I lost last year was the truest ever and still brings me to a puddle if I let my attention rest too long on a photo or her dog bed which, for whatever reason, I resist finding a new home for.
Sunshine is true. Hell, it's all true. The key is not being attached but loving whatever is anyway.
We're here. We love you...I love you more than you may ever know.
Many hugs from Montana. Come visit. Bring your boys. We'll walk in the woods together and leave the boys with my boyfriend. He's teach them how to make a pot in our pottery studio and pick carrots in my garden.
Thank you for reaching out...Much love and tenderness...Elisabeth
Thank you for offering this. I, too, have been feeling disconnected from myself and others. Heart healing is a lot of "what does my soul need to tell me today" journal prompts and breath work. Sinking into my body to ask her what she needs. The heartbreak doesn't get easier. As a mental health professional and coach, the pain will always be and I do my best to process so that others may be lifted in their experience with pain.
What I know to be true is every time I surrender to what is, something opens up (ie. an idea, a release, a readiness, a different opportunity, a relationship, etc).
With much love to you Sarah, Bethany.
I'm an in a care giving living arrangement with my best friend.,fellow traveller, colleague, horse lover and so much more. We are in her final days under hospice. I am here,I am home is my nightly ritual. Thank you
I feel it too. Today has been so uncomfortable. My first thought is why does this always happen to me and no one else? I was so desperate for relief which I always find in your words sarah. I started listening to your work on living from the heart. It brought me tears of relief to know I’m not alone. And then I saw this post. 💕 Thank you, just to know I’m not alone. That this is being human and existing and showing up.
There is a toolbox - which always has to be renewed. Old tools which used to work might get weak and need some sharpening, or new tools and insight wisdom comes and might end up in the toolbox. Even the techniques are slightly changing to keep the mind enganged - the techniques in the toolbox always come down to the same essence. A kind and gentle talk to yourself - might it be the work with the breath to ease the pain or a clear and conscious absorption of all the beauty around us. The appreciation of the smallest things which contribute to laughter and joy. A smile of a stranger, a comforting word, a sound of a bird, a pleasant tune on spotify. Dancing with the sense of fear, instead of hiding. Showing up to your own strength. An every day practice, an every day another chance to stay in the loving part of ourselves.
Thank you Sarah for bringing me back in your gentle way to be with myself and to be kind to myself. Tomorrow is Emily’s birthday my youngest daughter who passed in 2017. I have a garden for her in my backyard and in my heart. I let friends comfort me by sharing their memories of my sweet amazing girl and I let her comfort me as she comes and sits beside me and whispers “I love you Mom and I’m always with you.”
I am a new mother to a sweet little boy who turned 6 months old yesterday. I feel, somehow, like every day is pulling every last ounce of life and energy out of me, and, like every day is revealing a magic that I used to only dream about. Holding the duality of this precious, painful time with love is a breath by breath endeavor. I am determined to love this chapter well, and so very grateful for all of your words that serve as tiny lanterns while I feel my way through this path I cannot yet see clearly.
It's so comforting to hear you say, "I'm lonely for this kind of connection." I've tried to focus lately on contraction vs. expansion (from somatic therapy sessions) The contraction is always uncomfortable, but necessary. More frequent grounding - touch dirt, water, breath. Reminding ourselves we are here and now.
The problem with hope
is that it’s fundamentally a bargain
for some imagined better future.
The pursuit of happiness
suggests a “means to an end” continuum.
But expectation is a trap.
It can imprison a person with anxiety.
If we only feel okay when things are easy,
we shall be held hostage by our own intolerances.
Oh Sarah,
Your words. I could read your writings all day long or listen to you all day long on insight timer.
When my monkey mind and my wounded heart take over I need time in nature and a good long walk/hike to make everything right again. I step away from the world for a minute. I breathe differently. I think differently. I feel differently. I am made a little bit more whole again and my vision becomes more clear. Big hugs for keeping us connected. xx
I think "unmoored" is how I feel.
I felt like I was in a body suit before transitioning, with the gaze from society reflecting back to me how wrong of a woman I was. I used to have my compass set towards self destruction, but it's been years now.
Well, now I feel better than I have in my entire life, physically and mentally. Sobriety, transitioning (not accepting myself had a lot to do with using), therapy, and building a community...I feel awake, alive, and like I am healing deep wounds (slowly but surely).
Interesting, how my joy, happiness, and autonomy over my body are seen as evil (I bet others who aren't trans can relate). Or maybe it's just a threat to Power? Either way, I worry about the wounds that are being created within me, within my community, right now. Surely societies messages of me being an abomination are seeping in. I'm not sure how or when they will manifest, metastasize. Just like COVID/quarantine. How is the collective and individual trauma showing up from that experience? I'm sure it's impacting me. Maybe all this hate is a result of that?
But...the unmooring comes from not being able to settle, feeling the need to be ready to go if I can't access healthcare one day. And where will I go?
That classic saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is certainly true, but in western societies we forget all too soon that the children we once were still live and breathe in our hearts every moment of every day. The sense of community has never been more needed as our devices that were meant to build bridges of communication and understanding instead drive us farther apart and isolate us in this digital information age. Real community, connection with our fellow humans, support of each other not as a form of trade or manipulation, awareness of our interconnected nature, and compassion & empathy have never been more needed. Give as you can, receive as you need, and explore your unique gifts to the healing of this world and all our relations. 🙏
Not so much ironed as shattered...and not even sure which pieces go with which...and yet feeling a freedom in that...and to some extent I don't have to figure it out if I keep listening... softening instead of hardening...there is a joy in the rawness.
I can definitely relate to your perspective. Life is a complex mixture of both suffering and joy, similar to the starlight that shines through the vast darkness of space. As I embark on my journey to become a first-time mother, this contrast seems even more striking. Your words resonate with many of us who often struggle to put these emotions into words.
Lately, I have been contemplating the discrepancy between the pace of modern life and how our ancestors lived in harmony with nature. I have found solace in watching the "Our Universe" series on Netflix, which explains how the sun's energy powers all living things, from the grass to the cheetah. All living creatures need energy to survive, and the mother cheetah is a prime example of how energy should be conserved and spent wisely. Sometimes rest is necessary, and other times it is crucial to move forward and take action.
It's fascinating to think about how these concepts are tied to our nervous system and how we react to different situations. Thank you for the prompt! I hope whoever is reading this gets a warm hug from the universe. :)
I too am feeling the weight of our time. It is hard, it is sharp edged and it is lonely. I try to shut out the noise as much as possible but it seeps through like water. There is always a crack. But I know why I’m here, and it’s to be of service. I find all of the ways I can to stay in flow, to feel aligned. I see people living in alignment with their purpose...it is a vibration. I speak with my guides, I am meeting new aspects of myself I never would have believed to be true. I repeat to myself, “Do It With Ease”or even, “Now try it again, with ease”...even the hard stuff. Ease is a place I go, it’s available more often than I would have guessed before I tried. It’s more like a choice, like choosing joy. I keep my focus small and appreciate what I have here and now. And I wholeheartedly appreciate this community and the unity I find here. I appreciate you all. X
You continually amaze Sarah and you bring such a beautiful collective together to deep dialogue, for which I'm always grateful. We truly do inhabit a world full of "unseen forces, forcing"--and contribute to those unseen forces even though our culture doesn't like acknowledging or looking closely at any of this. But doing so brings so much healing for ourselves and others as you astutely verbalize regularly. It all has value if we allow it.
I recently encountered this lovely quote from J. Krishnamurti and it brings me home again and again, reminding me that the kindness and goodness I so crave to see in the world actually begins with me:
"What you are, the world is. And without your transformation, there can be no transformation of the world. "
<3
It must be something in the air! I’m struggling recently too and have found remarkable relief in reiki!
2023 for me, so far, has carried these two qualities: Humility and Humor. Realizing that sometimes I'm the problem, and to be humble enough to laugh at myself through the discomfort. Humble enough to realize the absurdity of humanhood and sometimes all we need is a good giggle to start moving forward. Humor is a balm when humility feels too heavy. When the unseen forces are forcing, I welcome the chaos with a chuckle sparked by the adrenaline of change. "Bring it on", I say, wiping the nervous sweat away. And Sarah, you've taught me to hold my heartbreak with humility and grace, for I know the more honestly I tend to it, the more sustainable the healing will be. I know these things to be true; that with humility and humor, joy is always near.
So….this is what you taught me to do. You told me to picture a time when it hurt this bad; either
now or before. I was in kindergarten and drawing the MOST beautiful picture of my house. I loved
it. I proudly took it to the circle and showed it, and the teacher laughed and said, “But the chimney is
crooked.” The other kids laughed, too. I was wide open, undefended, and took this as a sucker punch. I was heartbroken and deflated. I knew there was no one at home who would understand how much that dissing hurt. Fifty years later, you asked me to remember. I saw and felt her. I went over to her in that kindergarten room and told her what a wonderful picture it was. Then I looked across the circle and saw Frank Lloyd Wright sitting there. He smiled and said, “I like your chimney”. So, ‘I like my chimney’, has become my mantra. When I catch myself needing external validation,
these words of my OWN heart love, come in to remind me of who I am regardless of what others say
or do. “I like my chimney.” It is not easy. It is awkward and the scary part is the time lapse before the peace returns. But it DOES return….always. Just like you said it would. Thank you, brave Sarah.
Blessings, Pat Coyne
I often like to say that I have a "vulnerability hangover". For instance, yesterday was my birthday and I had so much audacity - I was proudly and loudly celebrating myself all day. When I woke up this morning I immediately felt ashamed - like I must have been annoying to everyone around me. Too much. But when I name that feeling of shame a "vulnerability hangover" it reminds me that my body, heart and guts just need to repair themselves from taking risks and putting my true self out there. And if I tell people "I have a vulnerably hangover" they often really relate to the sensation and then my bad feelings start to go away...
I watch the birds and hear them sing. Life goes on, my broken heart is nesting with woodpeckers, is in the coffee grounds, the clouds, in me. I endure it, I share it for my pain is loud yet unheard. I want to connect but where. The rawness is oozing that makes most look away.
My purpose has been captured without my consent. Being pulled by forces beyond my control, I am being told to bend a knee that is not authentic to me. These forces hold my livelihood in their hands, and whether or not they care to be responsible for this, it is my current truth. I am caught, unable to change this truth, I must endure. I have grown from this experience, I have become more resilient. And although I may not be able to make a change at this time, I am making the best of the situation. Meditation, reflection, and space are where I find peace.
I am swirling, my heart open amidst the unexpected loss of 2 extended family members who were within a year, older than I am at 62. Wow, how life changes in a blink, therefore the sharing of our precious and abundant love, our connective tissues with those who we adore at every opportunity matters. Now I look to the stars 🌟 above, the light pushing away my darkness layer by layer.
My family of origin and I have been navigating a sister deteriorating into psychosis, who cannot touch another without slinging her despair, delusion, and anger. I have watched her quick descent with sadness, but also fear. I feel my chest tighten as she rants and rages and I wonder what juice emerges from *me* when I am squeezed. Would life eventually forge me into a bullet, instead of a bowl? Have I shown kindness and love? Have I dripped light and peace into this storm--even if it has been whipped away? Or am I allowing the amphitheater of my ribcage to become a shrinking cast, like armor I am outgrowing, to stifle my trust in grace?
My anxiety finds the dark answer, of course, but I breathe through it, for it is not an answer carved in stone, but in tissues that constantly replenish. The message is changing in me, with every breath I allow in like rays of sun, with every upward trusting glance into the expanding universe above me.
Your words ring so true to me. I recently made a significant change in my life, and though it was
Well thought out, the aftermath has been unsettling. I used to talk myself out of these feelings by setting a new goal but now am I trying to just lean into the emotion and take one next step past it. I confess it feels like I’m getting tossed around by the undertow of a wave but when that has happened I’ve always been able to swim back to shore.
recently my 18 yo daughter experienced extreme heartbreak due to a breakup with her boyfriend. Gutted is a good word to describe how she felt and watching her ache and be in such pain was like pulling a bandaid off of a very old wound. i wept with her and held her while she tried to make sense of it all. in allowing space for that grief i remembered my practice of letting everything in. To the grief, I said, "Yes, this too" and "I see you grief. Come have a seat next to me and I will see you until you are ready to leave." I asked for the universe to allow me to hold her heart so that it doesn't break completely. i promised to return it in its true form when the pain had stopped.
i have been reminded so many times from your teachings that there are blessings in the wounds and i was reminded on Rumi's quote, "what wounds you blesses you". my daughter is an empath through and through. these last few days were crippling for her. she couldn't eat or sleep. all she could do was cry. can you remind me of the analogy of a flute being carved? her pain is shaping her and i believe she will be a the field of healing some day.
I'd like to say I am coping well. I'm not. I cut back on my work as a therapist a few years ago when I got a chronic fatigue-like condition and have been slowly trying to pull my way back up and out into life again. I am older and it is harder as we age to regenerate. So I am sticking to basics: meditation, eating simply and more healthily, connecting with good friends, going to Quaker Meeting (my church) and removing myself from watching mainstream news and a lot of social media. Exercise is very difficult and I have put on a lot of weight which I am also trying to deal with. I practice gratitude and compassion-for self and all sentient life. I composed a prayer that I recite at least once a day: Thank you for this blessed perfect day; for all things given and not; for my life and ife itself. May all sentient life be free from suffering; may we be safe; may we be happy. Amen. Reciting it grounds me. Wishing you well and thank you for being there!
Sarah- will you please host a retreat? ♥️♥️
I wrap my own hands around my body
To feel comfort
From the one
Who I have felt most distant
To feel lost
Within oneself
By actions of another
I feel broken
But a mosaic is art
A masterpiece created from hundreds
Thousands of pieces
Broken
To be put back together
As whole
As new
And show
As art
I am a mosaic masterpiece.
mmmmmm being ironed. yes. i know that one.
what is true today:
at present, my heart and mind are quiet, still and full. i am also not sleeping well and am pretty sure i'm losing my hair. my body doesn't lie. she's anxious.
how i care for my heart:
i play music and burn incense. i practice yoga - close my eyes. breathe. feel my back on the floor.
i walk outside when i can. look for the birds. enjoy sunrises and that blue time at the end of day.
i shower my husband with little kisses.
cook beautiful, comforting food.
words i am clinging to: liminal, freedom, peace, letting go, joy
i have a tattoo on my upper left chest - almost shoulder. it's a heart i made as a kid - i put my hand there. it always gives me joy.
Right now I’m 3 months into a move to a new state and I ended my 10 year career to start a career more based in the metaphysical. I have been struggling to find who is my authentic self. Will these new friends like me? Will they care I don’t drink? What in the world will everyone think of this new business? So many, many confusing thoughts run wild through my brain daily, yet the little voice keep going is who I tune into. The little voice that tells me this is the path you need to travel is the one I try to keep listening too. I wobble, I weep and yet I come back to I believe in me. It’s hard right now but I do find grounding myself daily, clearing and protecting my energy daily, pulling an oracle card, reading a page of a book each morning and journaling bring me back to self. Oh and hot long baths. Sarah, your words, your guidance, your raw honesty is what I need and what so many in this world need. I look forward to your shares and discussions.
Embarking on a new chapter. 40 years in mental health as a clinician. Saying goodbye to the last of my clients and beginning to hope for a new relationship with life other than as caregiver/provider. Awaking early each morning as the transition approaches feeling startled and apprehensive.
Despite all of the the fear and anger and confusion and grief that seems to find us... It’s still just amazing that we get to be alive. That we’re still on this side of wrestling with the tensions of this life and not on the other side - when perhaps we’ll be seeing with more clarity that all the scenarios of tension were just more opportunities for us to be love and fill these beautifully stretched hearts of ours a bit more.
I recently watched "Women Talking" (highly recommend!) and it wrecked me in the best way. I can't stop thinking about it. One line in particular is one that I've been carrying around me with me -- "Never fighting, always moving. Never fighting, always moving."
I was eating caramel candies and watching people's shoes.
It was very tempting to look up, and everytime the urge took hold, I'd pop another caramel and keep my eyes on the ground.
Boots, slip ons, high heels, office squares, pixie sneakers, hard core executives, slip ons with a bandage wrapped around the little toe. The one that goes wee, wee, wee, all the way home.
Ten thousand feet by noon and never a twin.
That's how I know.