Lately, I've felt as if I am being ironed. Every day a new corner of me is being opened and flattened by enormous unseen forces. My nervous system doesn't like this very much, but I walk with the words "I am willing" under my breath, day in and day out.
I love this community very much, and to hear your voice too. Your poetry and your insights are like tiny precious stones to me. It's been a while since we've talked in a thread, and I'd love to hear from you.
How is your heart feeling these days? How do you endure the unseen forces, forcing? What words do you hold close to you as you walk through this changing, tumultuous world? How do you hold your heartbreak? What do you know to be true?
I’m lonely for this kind of connection. Thank you for your sharing and contribution to this soulful dialogue.
For too long I have carried my grief, my resentment, my pain and now I consciously open my heart to begin anew every day. I lost my wife to cancer four years ago and I begin my days with a quiet meditation and reflection focusing on the kindness and happiness that surrounds me through the day, thankfulness and gratitude for the people in my life, and a focus on living joyously. So I sing outloud cuz that always makes me smile and I dance - the two step from the kitchen around the living room and back to the kitchen. I can't help smiling, my heart smiles too and I am present and I am happy.
Even in times of darkness, my weary heart can find aliveness in my body even if its simply the absence of pain. I tune into the senses, find just one that feels pleasurable and lean into it. Today I took time to smell my coffee. To lean into the ability to smell. With my eyes closed I can sense it even deeper, bringing this joy into my body. I know that this exploration can bring me back to my body where I may need to process something I am holding, or I may simply need to find connection where there is disconnect. What a wonder - to have these senses, to be human.
I have to be honest, I feel on fire! I’m at a stage of my life where I know what I’m wanting. I work in emergency services and our world and sense of safety is being continuously battered... I’m over it, so on a new path following my dream ( becoming a flight attendant and an empty nester) and also learning to handstand. Life is so good xx
I’m feeling good too. Settled from a move last year. Jumped in the camping world and loving new adventures that bring us closer to nature, sunrises and sunsets. It fills me up and when the moments that come along because life isn’t perfect I hear my moms words” this too shall pass” or Que sera sera”, whatever will be will be❤️
My heart says this must be my year of LESS. Less Noise, less Distraction, less Numbing, less Sadness, less Seriousness, less Fear, less Stories, less Control, less Perfection, less Escaping, less Running, less Spinning, less Therapy, less FIXING. I’m just exhausted by it all. I just want to BE. As painful and heartbreaking and scary as that is. It’s better than this constant feeling of trying to push my body and mind Uphill. It’s time to surrender, let it come as it will, and trust that it will all move Through me.
I've been feeling very much the same. Less, less, less. Many forces forcing against this need isn't there? may we be wise in our choices. thank you for sharing, Teresa.
I love that you named this. In the U.S. there is a compulsion to DO. The more we do, the more impressive we are. It’s a disembodied way to live. I love the quote “Stop the glorification of busy” And I can do relate to the running around to “fix” ourselves. I am learning that this calls for stillness also, at least for me. We’re all at different places in our journey and we all can honor whatever pace that is 🙏
I so agree. There are days when I wake up and say to myself, "Too much, too much, too much!" It reminds me to step back and just be, without all of the doing.
I agree with you, sometimes you get so tired walking to the top of the mountain, enduring that pain in your "muscles" when climbing. I want to lie down on some hillside and rest from everything, whatever happens.
Thank you SOOO much for these words!! You represented an unidentifiable feeling that I could not otherwise describe for myself. Surrendering and accepting are two words I struggle to embrace but yet want so badly.
This is such a good reminder that "less is more." I just finished a year-long, quite fruitful, yet stressful education in massage therapy and that is one of the guiding ways of being so that we can last in the profession!
Funny enough, I feel as though I have been ironed out flat too. I actually use your words on a daily basis, “I am here, and I care”. However, what has been most helpful is connection and asking for help. I need you, this community, and all other beings to remind me that “I am here, and I care. It is WITHOUT question, your soul has touched my soul, and most importantly, saved my life. I know in turn what you give, I use, and others reap too. I appreciate you reaching out to continue the cyclical process of reciprocity. I love you dear one.
thank you Sarah. i feel in a similar place. the discomfort i have felt has been increased to bordering on painful. like i want to crawl out of my own skin.
i find myself saying..i surrender. i say this to remind me that i want the growth this place will bring.
I am grateful for so many wonderful souls putting into words what I have been feeling. I think I will try "i surrender" a bit more. Because like you, LeighAnn, I want the growth I know this discomfort will bring. I know it leads to something good or something that is necessary to be felt in order to get to more even ground. <3
Surrender. That's my word of the year. It may seem like a negative word, but for me it has been empowering. When I surrender to what is, there is less forcing, to use your word. I also use yoga, meditation, and acupuncture to keep my body, mind and spirit renewed, relaxed, and refreshed.
I feel that surrender is one of the greatest, and most difficult, aspects of life. When we can let go of our need to control and surrender to what Life has in store for us we will find peace. My fav book about surrender is a lovely read called Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver. Highly recommend if your word of the year is surrender!
Hi Donna, thank you for the recommendation. I'll check it out. I actually just finished reading for the second time The Surrender Experiment by Micheal A Singer. The first time I read it 5 years ago, I hadn't done enough of my own work to be able to truly understand what surrender could be for me. This time it was perfect. The author also wrote the Untethered Soul, another great read.
I loved both of those books as well as his course. The Surrender Experiment blew my mind how he kept saying yes to every single thing, like someone building a house on his land! I have a lot of work to do in this area for sure...good thing there are so many great teachers for us, like Sarah! Let me know if you like Tosha's book, I've read it a kazillion times because it's like eating candy it's so yummy!
Yes, I used to think of surrender as giving up, but once I was ready to fully understand the power of the word, I realized that letting go, accepting, being present play a huge part of my surrender practice.
You are right, this word can be taken negatively. But it is still important in what context it is used and what it means. Now I, too, will begin to use "surrender" to lighten my mental component.
I feel as if I’m on my growth edge (recent meditation teacher, MMTCP graduate) and am drowning in grief as my beloved service dog died from liver cancer in February.
I live with a traumatic brain injury and am training to offer help via mindfulness and yoga to my TBI community.
I am willing, willing, willing and grief keeps coming up and washing over me. Riding these waves is the work, I know this.
The thick, hot ball of grief, the feelings of shame and fear are here right now in my throat and chest.
I see them. I feel them. I surrender to them. I am allowing for the waves to crash over me.
Knowing we are in brave space together helps.
Thank you, Sarah for creating space for us to just be….. together.🦋💕
I have to find my friend-tree in de woods and just sit in her arms, leaning with the back of my heart to her trunk and breathe. My dog playing along around me. Keep still and become part of the sounds in the woods. Breathing, connect to the hearts of you all, we do this work together. I am not crazy, i am (still) healing, its not only from me, its from all of us and in that depth, i try to feel love and compassion. The monkey mind might get a little bit quiet, maybe not. But i am still here, on this tiny speck that spins around in the eternal universe. Wonders....
What wonderful words! I can imagine myself in that place. The back of my head against the trunk of a tree, with life flowing beside me, and me just sitting there, resting, breathing, becoming part of that life. Those words definitely put me at ease. Thank you.
Oh how wonderful, leaning into the arms of a friend-tree! Thank you for sharing, and for that lovely image that comes to my mind when I read your words.
What I know to be true is that being out in nature, grass, dirt, flowers, trees, birds, mountains, ALL of it, never disappoints. Starting my grief awareness workshops feels like good and important work. And ultimately tying that with nature and yoga. Some days I feel like such a small drip in it all. But I remind myself that I’m here. And somehow I am needed, in some way, by somebody.
Nature definitely helps with spiritual soothing. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a speck of dust, and my problems and worries become a little easier. And yet, I am a speck of dust that several other specks of dust need, and it gives me strength.
Recently, I have felt a heaviness on these shoulders. I am surrounded by voices insisting my son and his friends shouldn’t exist. I am called a bad father for loving my child for who he is and for arguing for the dignity and humanity of those like him.
The voices are loud and powerful, but I remind myself they are but the death rattle of a paradigm giving way to the birth of something beautiful and holy. More birth pangs are on the horizon, but afterward—there will be new life.
Michael, you nailed it. We are experiencing the death rattle of a paradigm and it sucks that your son and his friends are caught in the crosshairs. Sending them courageous light as they navigate their path in an uncertain world and also to you as you parent in a difficult time.
Well said. It really is the death rattle of the paradigm. Many voices tell us what we should do or what they think we should do. But they are only voices, they cannot make us do anything we don't want to do. I hope this outdated paradigm stops attacking your son and his friends.
Thank-you for the encouragement to share! Here are my top 5 medicines for my soul:
1. I look for the "pleasant surprises around the corner". This keeps me seeking out pleasant surprises, acknowledging them (even the smallest of them), and, of course, this keeps them coming, and keeps me focused on the positive.
2. I say the Serenity Prayer every morning before I get out of bed, and I do the 12 Steps quickly. This helps me remember that my higher power (however one thinks about it) wants me to be happy and cares. And takes care of things that I just can't (I have a little "miracle jar" filled with beautiful little stones - one for every miracle in my life - a miracle that I didn't think would ever be possible - something that had nothing to do with me forcing it). Doing step 4 also helps me pick one thing to focus on for the day (e.g., today I focused on my critical nature, and then it came to me that my job today was to stop being so critical of myself!). So my focus is self compassion as it relates to my critical nature today. And as a bonus, this helps me stay focused on what I can control and change - me!
3. Sometimes I just chant "trust" all day. I write it on my hand, I say it under my breath. Trusting that "everything will be okay in the end, and that if it's not okay, it's not the end" has been a lifelong challenge for me.
4. As obvious as it is, I have to remind myself to stay in the present moment where everything is manageable and possible.
5. And finally, I focus on what I want. I turn around and decide to focus on how I want to feel. May I feel... (relief). May I feel... (satisfied). May I feel... (safe). (peaceful) (calm) (connected) (inspired). This works like a charm.
I also chant "trust" on days. It allows me to surrender to "life" and that "life" will look after me and show me the way. I find the more I surrender, the more everything just works out.
Some days it's like I'm sitting in the middle of a great storm, my feet are of the ground and I'm grasping for some grounding.....and suddenly out of nowhere, I find a new clarity, a wisdom, a shift in perception. It's like being given a gift, and that the storm was worth enduring.
That's the same for me. Anything that isn't in the flow is usually because I have forgotten this (truthfully, there are some days where life is all totally meaningless and cruel though, and then I really give up! but it all falls back into place again if I sit still long enough lol)
Martha, thank you for sharing your soul-healing ways with us.
"Trusting that 'everything will be okay in the end, and that if it's not okay, it's not the end' has been a lifelong challenge for me" is something I face every day. I need to try a couple of your points, maybe they will help heal my soul.
I've been feeling the same. Your meditation "practicing gentle kindness" is a daily reminder for me that the ironing doesn't mean something is wrong with me. It reminds me I'm being given an invitation to shower myself with more love. To lean in and accept instead of resist and shame. That this too is a gift from love and is increasing my capacity to hold love for myself and others. Noticing the tension and how it increases when I resist it and decreases when I allow it.
You're not the only one. There ARE unseen forces abound that we know exist, both intellectually as well as in our guts. Things are shifting in the world and it's a very odd time we're living in. I vacillate daily, sometimes hourly, between the deepest sadness I have known (I am just turning 65) and remembering to use my tools to look at the present moment and say to myself, "woman in garden".
Thankfully, about a year ago, I discovered breathwork and that has helped a little bit but the biggest help for me is just literally not being attached to what is and what's happening and how it 'may' affect us and the world.
Humans can be the most generous and loving creatures and in an instant, flip to be the most selfish, greedy, destructive animal on the planet. I think we're always been this way...it's a flaw for sure.
How do I hold my heartbreak? By convincing myself that most people are good. That most of us want the same things...love, touching, joy, connection, chocolate! I keep in mind that this is just a blip in time and there have been far too many blips in time that have also been overwhelming to the humans who experienced them.
I, like you, find solace in the forest, which is why springtime in Montana is the hardest for me. Ice, snow, slush...I just feel as though I'm in jail waiting for it all to melt. Soon though, very soon.
What I know to be true...YOU are true. I am true. The people who love you are true. The love I had for my dog whom I lost last year was the truest ever and still brings me to a puddle if I let my attention rest too long on a photo or her dog bed which, for whatever reason, I resist finding a new home for.
Sunshine is true. Hell, it's all true. The key is not being attached but loving whatever is anyway.
We're here. We love you...I love you more than you may ever know.
Many hugs from Montana. Come visit. Bring your boys. We'll walk in the woods together and leave the boys with my boyfriend. He's teach them how to make a pot in our pottery studio and pick carrots in my garden.
Thank you for reaching out...Much love and tenderness...Elisabeth
Thank you for offering this. I, too, have been feeling disconnected from myself and others. Heart healing is a lot of "what does my soul need to tell me today" journal prompts and breath work. Sinking into my body to ask her what she needs. The heartbreak doesn't get easier. As a mental health professional and coach, the pain will always be and I do my best to process so that others may be lifted in their experience with pain.
What I know to be true is every time I surrender to what is, something opens up (ie. an idea, a release, a readiness, a different opportunity, a relationship, etc).
I'm an in a care giving living arrangement with my best friend.,fellow traveller, colleague, horse lover and so much more. We are in her final days under hospice. I am here,I am home is my nightly ritual. Thank you
I feel it too. Today has been so uncomfortable. My first thought is why does this always happen to me and no one else? I was so desperate for relief which I always find in your words sarah. I started listening to your work on living from the heart. It brought me tears of relief to know I’m not alone. And then I saw this post. 💕 Thank you, just to know I’m not alone. That this is being human and existing and showing up.
There is a toolbox - which always has to be renewed. Old tools which used to work might get weak and need some sharpening, or new tools and insight wisdom comes and might end up in the toolbox. Even the techniques are slightly changing to keep the mind enganged - the techniques in the toolbox always come down to the same essence. A kind and gentle talk to yourself - might it be the work with the breath to ease the pain or a clear and conscious absorption of all the beauty around us. The appreciation of the smallest things which contribute to laughter and joy. A smile of a stranger, a comforting word, a sound of a bird, a pleasant tune on spotify. Dancing with the sense of fear, instead of hiding. Showing up to your own strength. An every day practice, an every day another chance to stay in the loving part of ourselves.
Thank you for the insight into how the tools in my toolbox can change. And for the suggestions on other tools to add. I hadn’t realized, until I saw your post, that the sound of the birds singing is a new tool for me in my toolbox.
Thank you Sarah for bringing me back in your gentle way to be with myself and to be kind to myself. Tomorrow is Emily’s birthday my youngest daughter who passed in 2017. I have a garden for her in my backyard and in my heart. I let friends comfort me by sharing their memories of my sweet amazing girl and I let her comfort me as she comes and sits beside me and whispers “I love you Mom and I’m always with you.”
Thank you so much Sarah. We got off to a good start this morning listening to your meditation on Blessings. Emily continues to bless me and all those who knew her. I’m so grateful to you Sarah for sharing your gifts of love and insight. Sending love to you.
I am a new mother to a sweet little boy who turned 6 months old yesterday. I feel, somehow, like every day is pulling every last ounce of life and energy out of me, and, like every day is revealing a magic that I used to only dream about. Holding the duality of this precious, painful time with love is a breath by breath endeavor. I am determined to love this chapter well, and so very grateful for all of your words that serve as tiny lanterns while I feel my way through this path I cannot yet see clearly.
oh Natalie...you brought me all the way back to nursing my first born. I broke completely, and continue to be broken daily. It doesn't stop, but it is so very beautiful. My life's work and purpose came from the very bottom of being born a mother. I see you, and love you. thank you for sharing. extending my tiny lantern to you. xo
It's so comforting to hear you say, "I'm lonely for this kind of connection." I've tried to focus lately on contraction vs. expansion (from somatic therapy sessions) The contraction is always uncomfortable, but necessary. More frequent grounding - touch dirt, water, breath. Reminding ourselves we are here and now.
Your words. I could read your writings all day long or listen to you all day long on insight timer.
When my monkey mind and my wounded heart take over I need time in nature and a good long walk/hike to make everything right again. I step away from the world for a minute. I breathe differently. I think differently. I feel differently. I am made a little bit more whole again and my vision becomes more clear. Big hugs for keeping us connected. xx
Nature is calm. When I don't have the opportunity to go out into nature, I look for other ways to find peace of mind. I can put my hands under the faucet with warm water, put my forehead against the mirror, and listen to the water, freeing my head from thoughts. It calms me down.
I felt like I was in a body suit before transitioning, with the gaze from society reflecting back to me how wrong of a woman I was. I used to have my compass set towards self destruction, but it's been years now.
Well, now I feel better than I have in my entire life, physically and mentally. Sobriety, transitioning (not accepting myself had a lot to do with using), therapy, and building a community...I feel awake, alive, and like I am healing deep wounds (slowly but surely).
Interesting, how my joy, happiness, and autonomy over my body are seen as evil (I bet others who aren't trans can relate). Or maybe it's just a threat to Power? Either way, I worry about the wounds that are being created within me, within my community, right now. Surely societies messages of me being an abomination are seeping in. I'm not sure how or when they will manifest, metastasize. Just like COVID/quarantine. How is the collective and individual trauma showing up from that experience? I'm sure it's impacting me. Maybe all this hate is a result of that?
But...the unmooring comes from not being able to settle, feeling the need to be ready to go if I can't access healthcare one day. And where will I go?
Rian, thank you for sharing. My prayer is somehow, this violence will lead to a heartbreak so cataclysmic we will finally drop our arrogance and hold one another. There are things my being simply cannot understand, but I agree with Emily's comment, "there is a broader, warmer community of people who support and love you". Courage beloved. love to you.
Thank you so much, Sarah. You and your words have been truly been a gift in this life - and certainly a soothing balm now. Grateful for you, and to you! ❤️
Please know that even if you are unsupported in your immediate community, there is a broader, warmer community of people who support you and love you and see you. You matter and your healing is important. 💪
Rian, I am very grateful to have read your words. And you're correct that non-trans folk can relate to this struggle for autonomy and the external disdain that is sadly often part of the bargain - although I must say I am blown away on the regular by the courage of you and others that have had to fight so hard to live authentically. It is truly a beautiful slice of bravery that I so admire. You lift me up and don't even know it (well, ya do now). Stay strong! I know the struggle and uncertainty is real, but I think I can safely say you have a pack that has your back! We are kin!
That classic saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is certainly true, but in western societies we forget all too soon that the children we once were still live and breathe in our hearts every moment of every day. The sense of community has never been more needed as our devices that were meant to build bridges of communication and understanding instead drive us farther apart and isolate us in this digital information age. Real community, connection with our fellow humans, support of each other not as a form of trade or manipulation, awareness of our interconnected nature, and compassion & empathy have never been more needed. Give as you can, receive as you need, and explore your unique gifts to the healing of this world and all our relations. 🙏
Wonderful words. You are absolutely right, children are still inside us, they need these feelings. We need more love and understanding for our neighbors in these difficult times.
Not so much ironed as shattered...and not even sure which pieces go with which...and yet feeling a freedom in that...and to some extent I don't have to figure it out if I keep listening... softening instead of hardening...there is a joy in the rawness.
I can definitely relate to your perspective. Life is a complex mixture of both suffering and joy, similar to the starlight that shines through the vast darkness of space. As I embark on my journey to become a first-time mother, this contrast seems even more striking. Your words resonate with many of us who often struggle to put these emotions into words.
Lately, I have been contemplating the discrepancy between the pace of modern life and how our ancestors lived in harmony with nature. I have found solace in watching the "Our Universe" series on Netflix, which explains how the sun's energy powers all living things, from the grass to the cheetah. All living creatures need energy to survive, and the mother cheetah is a prime example of how energy should be conserved and spent wisely. Sometimes rest is necessary, and other times it is crucial to move forward and take action.
It's fascinating to think about how these concepts are tied to our nervous system and how we react to different situations. Thank you for the prompt! I hope whoever is reading this gets a warm hug from the universe. :)
Feeling your warm hug 💞. Good luck on your journey to become a first time mother. I am days away from becoming one myself. My journey has been arduous, with so much joy/heartbreak/gratitude/grief/all the feels. Sending you love and hope.
I too am feeling the weight of our time. It is hard, it is sharp edged and it is lonely. I try to shut out the noise as much as possible but it seeps through like water. There is always a crack. But I know why I’m here, and it’s to be of service. I find all of the ways I can to stay in flow, to feel aligned. I see people living in alignment with their purpose...it is a vibration. I speak with my guides, I am meeting new aspects of myself I never would have believed to be true. I repeat to myself, “Do It With Ease”or even, “Now try it again, with ease”...even the hard stuff. Ease is a place I go, it’s available more often than I would have guessed before I tried. It’s more like a choice, like choosing joy. I keep my focus small and appreciate what I have here and now. And I wholeheartedly appreciate this community and the unity I find here. I appreciate you all. X
Emily, I am using "do it with ease" today, and everyday now. thank you for sharing. May our focus be kept small, thank you for your words that felt like a prayer.
You continually amaze Sarah and you bring such a beautiful collective together to deep dialogue, for which I'm always grateful. We truly do inhabit a world full of "unseen forces, forcing"--and contribute to those unseen forces even though our culture doesn't like acknowledging or looking closely at any of this. But doing so brings so much healing for ourselves and others as you astutely verbalize regularly. It all has value if we allow it.
I recently encountered this lovely quote from J. Krishnamurti and it brings me home again and again, reminding me that the kindness and goodness I so crave to see in the world actually begins with me:
"What you are, the world is. And without your transformation, there can be no transformation of the world. "
2023 for me, so far, has carried these two qualities: Humility and Humor. Realizing that sometimes I'm the problem, and to be humble enough to laugh at myself through the discomfort. Humble enough to realize the absurdity of humanhood and sometimes all we need is a good giggle to start moving forward. Humor is a balm when humility feels too heavy. When the unseen forces are forcing, I welcome the chaos with a chuckle sparked by the adrenaline of change. "Bring it on", I say, wiping the nervous sweat away. And Sarah, you've taught me to hold my heartbreak with humility and grace, for I know the more honestly I tend to it, the more sustainable the healing will be. I know these things to be true; that with humility and humor, joy is always near.
So….this is what you taught me to do. You told me to picture a time when it hurt this bad; either
now or before. I was in kindergarten and drawing the MOST beautiful picture of my house. I loved
it. I proudly took it to the circle and showed it, and the teacher laughed and said, “But the chimney is
crooked.” The other kids laughed, too. I was wide open, undefended, and took this as a sucker punch. I was heartbroken and deflated. I knew there was no one at home who would understand how much that dissing hurt. Fifty years later, you asked me to remember. I saw and felt her. I went over to her in that kindergarten room and told her what a wonderful picture it was. Then I looked across the circle and saw Frank Lloyd Wright sitting there. He smiled and said, “I like your chimney”. So, ‘I like my chimney’, has become my mantra. When I catch myself needing external validation,
these words of my OWN heart love, come in to remind me of who I am regardless of what others say
or do. “I like my chimney.” It is not easy. It is awkward and the scary part is the time lapse before the peace returns. But it DOES return….always. Just like you said it would. Thank you, brave Sarah.
I often like to say that I have a "vulnerability hangover". For instance, yesterday was my birthday and I had so much audacity - I was proudly and loudly celebrating myself all day. When I woke up this morning I immediately felt ashamed - like I must have been annoying to everyone around me. Too much. But when I name that feeling of shame a "vulnerability hangover" it reminds me that my body, heart and guts just need to repair themselves from taking risks and putting my true self out there. And if I tell people "I have a vulnerably hangover" they often really relate to the sensation and then my bad feelings start to go away...
Stacy, this has been such a learning place for me as well. The sharing and then the collapsing from shame. I see you, and know exactly what you are feeling. All I can say is, I will take the vulnerability any day, over a closed and detached life. I will wear me heart out, exposed and reaching for more light!
I watch the birds and hear them sing. Life goes on, my broken heart is nesting with woodpeckers, is in the coffee grounds, the clouds, in me. I endure it, I share it for my pain is loud yet unheard. I want to connect but where. The rawness is oozing that makes most look away.
My purpose has been captured without my consent. Being pulled by forces beyond my control, I am being told to bend a knee that is not authentic to me. These forces hold my livelihood in their hands, and whether or not they care to be responsible for this, it is my current truth. I am caught, unable to change this truth, I must endure. I have grown from this experience, I have become more resilient. And although I may not be able to make a change at this time, I am making the best of the situation. Meditation, reflection, and space are where I find peace.
Wow, and yes: “My purpose has been captured without my consent.” Exactly what I’ve been feeling recently but just didn’t have the words for it. So spot on. Thank you for that share, it helps me to know I’m connected to kindred spirits. Still, it’s deeply disturbing to all parts of me and who I am to feel like the proverbial frog in a warming pot of water. I also take with me your gift of a reminder about resiliency ...there’s magic in that (unlike just persevering). So thank you for that too 🙏
I am swirling, my heart open amidst the unexpected loss of 2 extended family members who were within a year, older than I am at 62. Wow, how life changes in a blink, therefore the sharing of our precious and abundant love, our connective tissues with those who we adore at every opportunity matters. Now I look to the stars 🌟 above, the light pushing away my darkness layer by layer.
My family of origin and I have been navigating a sister deteriorating into psychosis, who cannot touch another without slinging her despair, delusion, and anger. I have watched her quick descent with sadness, but also fear. I feel my chest tighten as she rants and rages and I wonder what juice emerges from *me* when I am squeezed. Would life eventually forge me into a bullet, instead of a bowl? Have I shown kindness and love? Have I dripped light and peace into this storm--even if it has been whipped away? Or am I allowing the amphitheater of my ribcage to become a shrinking cast, like armor I am outgrowing, to stifle my trust in grace?
My anxiety finds the dark answer, of course, but I breathe through it, for it is not an answer carved in stone, but in tissues that constantly replenish. The message is changing in me, with every breath I allow in like rays of sun, with every upward trusting glance into the expanding universe above me.
Your words ring so true to me. I recently made a significant change in my life, and though it was
Well thought out, the aftermath has been unsettling. I used to talk myself out of these feelings by setting a new goal but now am I trying to just lean into the emotion and take one next step past it. I confess it feels like I’m getting tossed around by the undertow of a wave but when that has happened I’ve always been able to swim back to shore.
recently my 18 yo daughter experienced extreme heartbreak due to a breakup with her boyfriend. Gutted is a good word to describe how she felt and watching her ache and be in such pain was like pulling a bandaid off of a very old wound. i wept with her and held her while she tried to make sense of it all. in allowing space for that grief i remembered my practice of letting everything in. To the grief, I said, "Yes, this too" and "I see you grief. Come have a seat next to me and I will see you until you are ready to leave." I asked for the universe to allow me to hold her heart so that it doesn't break completely. i promised to return it in its true form when the pain had stopped.
i have been reminded so many times from your teachings that there are blessings in the wounds and i was reminded on Rumi's quote, "what wounds you blesses you". my daughter is an empath through and through. these last few days were crippling for her. she couldn't eat or sleep. all she could do was cry. can you remind me of the analogy of a flute being carved? her pain is shaping her and i believe she will be a the field of healing some day.
Oh Jessica, my heart hurts reading your post. It is very hard to embrace Rumi's words about the wound and the blessing when it comes to your child. I find parenting adult children to be more challenging than when they were young for this exact reason. It is so very hard to see them hurt or struggling.
I know that's where our greatest work lies, my brain gets that. We have to allow them to be and to go through it all to grow. And yet, when we have to sit by and watch their heartbreak it is an exquisite pain as a parent.
Sending you and your sensitive daughter love across the miles.
I'd like to say I am coping well. I'm not. I cut back on my work as a therapist a few years ago when I got a chronic fatigue-like condition and have been slowly trying to pull my way back up and out into life again. I am older and it is harder as we age to regenerate. So I am sticking to basics: meditation, eating simply and more healthily, connecting with good friends, going to Quaker Meeting (my church) and removing myself from watching mainstream news and a lot of social media. Exercise is very difficult and I have put on a lot of weight which I am also trying to deal with. I practice gratitude and compassion-for self and all sentient life. I composed a prayer that I recite at least once a day: Thank you for this blessed perfect day; for all things given and not; for my life and ife itself. May all sentient life be free from suffering; may we be safe; may we be happy. Amen. Reciting it grounds me. Wishing you well and thank you for being there!
at present, my heart and mind are quiet, still and full. i am also not sleeping well and am pretty sure i'm losing my hair. my body doesn't lie. she's anxious.
how i care for my heart:
i play music and burn incense. i practice yoga - close my eyes. breathe. feel my back on the floor.
i walk outside when i can. look for the birds. enjoy sunrises and that blue time at the end of day.
i shower my husband with little kisses.
cook beautiful, comforting food.
words i am clinging to: liminal, freedom, peace, letting go, joy
i have a tattoo on my upper left chest - almost shoulder. it's a heart i made as a kid - i put my hand there. it always gives me joy.
Right now I’m 3 months into a move to a new state and I ended my 10 year career to start a career more based in the metaphysical. I have been struggling to find who is my authentic self. Will these new friends like me? Will they care I don’t drink? What in the world will everyone think of this new business? So many, many confusing thoughts run wild through my brain daily, yet the little voice keep going is who I tune into. The little voice that tells me this is the path you need to travel is the one I try to keep listening too. I wobble, I weep and yet I come back to I believe in me. It’s hard right now but I do find grounding myself daily, clearing and protecting my energy daily, pulling an oracle card, reading a page of a book each morning and journaling bring me back to self. Oh and hot long baths. Sarah, your words, your guidance, your raw honesty is what I need and what so many in this world need. I look forward to your shares and discussions.
I wobble too, and weep if I'm lucky, and live for a hot bath at the end of the day. What joy to hear you are finding grounding daily. love and blessings. thank you for sharing.
Had to reply, as your note spoke to my heart. I can relate to so much of what you’re sharing (and I’m sure many, many others here can too). So please always know - you’re never alone 🙏 You are loved and supported beyond words.
Letting go of the old & stepping into the new / unknown is h a r d w o r k - and takes a lot of courage. That’s why many never take the first step. But trust there is so so much beauty on the other side 💛
You’re doing beautiful work, listening to your inner voice, looking after your energy, focusing on grounding and prioritising your self care. And crying when you need to cry! All so important.
Thank you for being here and sharing your gifts, your light and your dark. 🙏✨
Rebecca...thank you. I'm glad what I wrote resonated with you. I feel the more vulnerable and open we can be the more we may help/support another person and in turn receive the support back we need as well. Thanks for seeing me:)
Embarking on a new chapter. 40 years in mental health as a clinician. Saying goodbye to the last of my clients and beginning to hope for a new relationship with life other than as caregiver/provider. Awaking early each morning as the transition approaches feeling startled and apprehensive.
Despite all of the the fear and anger and confusion and grief that seems to find us... It’s still just amazing that we get to be alive. That we’re still on this side of wrestling with the tensions of this life and not on the other side - when perhaps we’ll be seeing with more clarity that all the scenarios of tension were just more opportunities for us to be love and fill these beautifully stretched hearts of ours a bit more.
I recently watched "Women Talking" (highly recommend!) and it wrecked me in the best way. I can't stop thinking about it. One line in particular is one that I've been carrying around me with me -- "Never fighting, always moving. Never fighting, always moving."
I was eating caramel candies and watching people's shoes.
It was very tempting to look up, and everytime the urge took hold, I'd pop another caramel and keep my eyes on the ground.
Boots, slip ons, high heels, office squares, pixie sneakers, hard core executives, slip ons with a bandage wrapped around the little toe. The one that goes wee, wee, wee, all the way home.
Lately my focus is; to Not give it all away. To save some for me. What if work “ priority” points were given for self -care, instead up for coming on early and staying late! What if priority points were given for saying “no”. What if these things are most important to actually preforming better and loving work because I’m not depleted. This is what become important to me as I’m aging into my late 50’s this month and I’ve experience enough of giving it all away. Self care is out best health care. Self care helps us bring the best version of ourselves to our work in the world. But companies / businesses/ bosses/ they tend to want more physically and also more of our time. I’ve lowered my “priority “ by Iearning to say “no”, but I’ve raised my vibration, my energy, my life force, which is better the being a number on a priority list of worker bees! ❤️
I decided yesterday that I want my legacy to be that I helped others feel welcome and wanted. In a troubled and troubling world, I want to look for the goodness in others, acknowledge our shared humanity, and say aloud the words I’ve heard Sarah saying, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
For too long I have carried my grief, my resentment, my pain and now I consciously open my heart to begin anew every day. I lost my wife to cancer four years ago and I begin my days with a quiet meditation and reflection focusing on the kindness and happiness that surrounds me through the day, thankfulness and gratitude for the people in my life, and a focus on living joyously. So I sing outloud cuz that always makes me smile and I dance - the two step from the kitchen around the living room and back to the kitchen. I can't help smiling, my heart smiles too and I am present and I am happy.
David this made me smile, and gave me such comfort. thank you. Blessings.
Thank you Sarah!
no doubt that your wife is smiling right back at you!
I think she is probably laughing out loud and I'm enjoying that!
David, thank you for such warm and full of life words. That's what I've been missing right now. 🧡
🖤
Even in times of darkness, my weary heart can find aliveness in my body even if its simply the absence of pain. I tune into the senses, find just one that feels pleasurable and lean into it. Today I took time to smell my coffee. To lean into the ability to smell. With my eyes closed I can sense it even deeper, bringing this joy into my body. I know that this exploration can bring me back to my body where I may need to process something I am holding, or I may simply need to find connection where there is disconnect. What a wonder - to have these senses, to be human.
What good thoughts! Next time I will try to concentrate on one of the positive feelings. Thank you for sharing this.
I have to be honest, I feel on fire! I’m at a stage of my life where I know what I’m wanting. I work in emergency services and our world and sense of safety is being continuously battered... I’m over it, so on a new path following my dream ( becoming a flight attendant and an empty nester) and also learning to handstand. Life is so good xx
Yay!!! I love this!!!!! So happy for you! :) xo Same! Same! (I even did a cartwheel the other day - it felt so good!)
Ha ha brilliant! Go us!
I’m feeling good too. Settled from a move last year. Jumped in the camping world and loving new adventures that bring us closer to nature, sunrises and sunsets. It fills me up and when the moments that come along because life isn’t perfect I hear my moms words” this too shall pass” or Que sera sera”, whatever will be will be❤️
handstands! empty nesting! on fire! OY! what joy to read. thank you, Rachel.
Wow! Rock on Rachel & Martha doing all the upside-down-things! Including changing your life. Sometimes we must get on fire for that to happen.
People like you inspire me to do what my heart desires.
👏 sounds exciting!
So great ! You will u be flying for ?
My heart says this must be my year of LESS. Less Noise, less Distraction, less Numbing, less Sadness, less Seriousness, less Fear, less Stories, less Control, less Perfection, less Escaping, less Running, less Spinning, less Therapy, less FIXING. I’m just exhausted by it all. I just want to BE. As painful and heartbreaking and scary as that is. It’s better than this constant feeling of trying to push my body and mind Uphill. It’s time to surrender, let it come as it will, and trust that it will all move Through me.
I've been feeling very much the same. Less, less, less. Many forces forcing against this need isn't there? may we be wise in our choices. thank you for sharing, Teresa.
Thank you for your words, they have been a lifeline ❤️
I have never heard anyone use the word LESS, well done! It immediately invokes a sense of peace in me when I think of less.
Yes! I love your list of less - and I have found that even just a little LESS is so much more...thanks for putting this into words for me.
Ya I feel like just reminding myself that what I really need in life is not more but less just gives me some space to breath:)
I love that you named this. In the U.S. there is a compulsion to DO. The more we do, the more impressive we are. It’s a disembodied way to live. I love the quote “Stop the glorification of busy” And I can do relate to the running around to “fix” ourselves. I am learning that this calls for stillness also, at least for me. We’re all at different places in our journey and we all can honor whatever pace that is 🙏
Oh Teresa, this is so beautiful. ''the year of doing less''. Thank you for sharing this.
I so agree. There are days when I wake up and say to myself, "Too much, too much, too much!" It reminds me to step back and just be, without all of the doing.
ExACTly!
Yes, I feel this! Less need for control.
I agree with you, sometimes you get so tired walking to the top of the mountain, enduring that pain in your "muscles" when climbing. I want to lie down on some hillside and rest from everything, whatever happens.
My soul has an urgent need to have less of what does not serve my peace of mind.
Thank you SOOO much for these words!! You represented an unidentifiable feeling that I could not otherwise describe for myself. Surrendering and accepting are two words I struggle to embrace but yet want so badly.
This is such a good reminder that "less is more." I just finished a year-long, quite fruitful, yet stressful education in massage therapy and that is one of the guiding ways of being so that we can last in the profession!
Hi, Sarah,
Funny enough, I feel as though I have been ironed out flat too. I actually use your words on a daily basis, “I am here, and I care”. However, what has been most helpful is connection and asking for help. I need you, this community, and all other beings to remind me that “I am here, and I care. It is WITHOUT question, your soul has touched my soul, and most importantly, saved my life. I know in turn what you give, I use, and others reap too. I appreciate you reaching out to continue the cyclical process of reciprocity. I love you dear one.
Warmly,
JoMarie
yes.
🧡
❣️
thank you Sarah. i feel in a similar place. the discomfort i have felt has been increased to bordering on painful. like i want to crawl out of my own skin.
i find myself saying..i surrender. i say this to remind me that i want the growth this place will bring.
i’m for this space of connection to kindred souls
🖤
I am grateful for so many wonderful souls putting into words what I have been feeling. I think I will try "i surrender" a bit more. Because like you, LeighAnn, I want the growth I know this discomfort will bring. I know it leads to something good or something that is necessary to be felt in order to get to more even ground. <3
🖤
yes, the crawling out of my skin, when there is no safe space to find inside my body...
i see you
🖤
💓
I see you too, Leigh Ann. thank you for sharing.
I subscribe to your every line.🧡
Such profound and reflective sharing. From my teary eyes and softened heart, I thank you.
Surrender. That's my word of the year. It may seem like a negative word, but for me it has been empowering. When I surrender to what is, there is less forcing, to use your word. I also use yoga, meditation, and acupuncture to keep my body, mind and spirit renewed, relaxed, and refreshed.
I feel that surrender is one of the greatest, and most difficult, aspects of life. When we can let go of our need to control and surrender to what Life has in store for us we will find peace. My fav book about surrender is a lovely read called Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver. Highly recommend if your word of the year is surrender!
Hi Donna, thank you for the recommendation. I'll check it out. I actually just finished reading for the second time The Surrender Experiment by Micheal A Singer. The first time I read it 5 years ago, I hadn't done enough of my own work to be able to truly understand what surrender could be for me. This time it was perfect. The author also wrote the Untethered Soul, another great read.
I loved both of those books as well as his course. The Surrender Experiment blew my mind how he kept saying yes to every single thing, like someone building a house on his land! I have a lot of work to do in this area for sure...good thing there are so many great teachers for us, like Sarah! Let me know if you like Tosha's book, I've read it a kazillion times because it's like eating candy it's so yummy!
Oh, thank you for recommending the book, I will definitely read it in the future.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I’ll look it up.
I hope you love it!
What a great word for the year. To me it feels like permission to let go...rest even.
Yes, I used to think of surrender as giving up, but once I was ready to fully understand the power of the word, I realized that letting go, accepting, being present play a huge part of my surrender practice.
Surrender is not a negative word or though. I look at it as powerful to let go of what I cannot control . All feels calm when I remember to Surrender😊
You are right, this word can be taken negatively. But it is still important in what context it is used and what it means. Now I, too, will begin to use "surrender" to lighten my mental component.
Hello Sarah and friends.
I feel as if I’m on my growth edge (recent meditation teacher, MMTCP graduate) and am drowning in grief as my beloved service dog died from liver cancer in February.
I live with a traumatic brain injury and am training to offer help via mindfulness and yoga to my TBI community.
I am willing, willing, willing and grief keeps coming up and washing over me. Riding these waves is the work, I know this.
The thick, hot ball of grief, the feelings of shame and fear are here right now in my throat and chest.
I see them. I feel them. I surrender to them. I am allowing for the waves to crash over me.
Knowing we are in brave space together helps.
Thank you, Sarah for creating space for us to just be….. together.🦋💕
I know this pain and I have great empathy for your loss.
🧡
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. hang in there and know they are still with you.
🖤
I have to find my friend-tree in de woods and just sit in her arms, leaning with the back of my heart to her trunk and breathe. My dog playing along around me. Keep still and become part of the sounds in the woods. Breathing, connect to the hearts of you all, we do this work together. I am not crazy, i am (still) healing, its not only from me, its from all of us and in that depth, i try to feel love and compassion. The monkey mind might get a little bit quiet, maybe not. But i am still here, on this tiny speck that spins around in the eternal universe. Wonders....
I do this too. I have my most favourite tree to lean on. thank you for sharing. May we protect what is still wild. xo
❤️🙏🏼
Me too Krisje l love to sit with my back up against a tree with my doggie. I could sit for so long and soak up the life's activities.
we sit together...i feel you
What wonderful words! I can imagine myself in that place. The back of my head against the trunk of a tree, with life flowing beside me, and me just sitting there, resting, breathing, becoming part of that life. Those words definitely put me at ease. Thank you.
Oh how wonderful, leaning into the arms of a friend-tree! Thank you for sharing, and for that lovely image that comes to my mind when I read your words.
love to you
What I know to be true is that being out in nature, grass, dirt, flowers, trees, birds, mountains, ALL of it, never disappoints. Starting my grief awareness workshops feels like good and important work. And ultimately tying that with nature and yoga. Some days I feel like such a small drip in it all. But I remind myself that I’m here. And somehow I am needed, in some way, by somebody.
Nature definitely helps with spiritual soothing. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a speck of dust, and my problems and worries become a little easier. And yet, I am a speck of dust that several other specks of dust need, and it gives me strength.
Recently, I have felt a heaviness on these shoulders. I am surrounded by voices insisting my son and his friends shouldn’t exist. I am called a bad father for loving my child for who he is and for arguing for the dignity and humanity of those like him.
The voices are loud and powerful, but I remind myself they are but the death rattle of a paradigm giving way to the birth of something beautiful and holy. More birth pangs are on the horizon, but afterward—there will be new life.
Michael, you nailed it. We are experiencing the death rattle of a paradigm and it sucks that your son and his friends are caught in the crosshairs. Sending them courageous light as they navigate their path in an uncertain world and also to you as you parent in a difficult time.
Thank you. 🙏
Well said. It really is the death rattle of the paradigm. Many voices tell us what we should do or what they think we should do. But they are only voices, they cannot make us do anything we don't want to do. I hope this outdated paradigm stops attacking your son and his friends.
“Theyare but the death rattle of a paradigm giving way to the birth of something beautiful and holy”
No truer words ever spoken x
Thank-you for the encouragement to share! Here are my top 5 medicines for my soul:
1. I look for the "pleasant surprises around the corner". This keeps me seeking out pleasant surprises, acknowledging them (even the smallest of them), and, of course, this keeps them coming, and keeps me focused on the positive.
2. I say the Serenity Prayer every morning before I get out of bed, and I do the 12 Steps quickly. This helps me remember that my higher power (however one thinks about it) wants me to be happy and cares. And takes care of things that I just can't (I have a little "miracle jar" filled with beautiful little stones - one for every miracle in my life - a miracle that I didn't think would ever be possible - something that had nothing to do with me forcing it). Doing step 4 also helps me pick one thing to focus on for the day (e.g., today I focused on my critical nature, and then it came to me that my job today was to stop being so critical of myself!). So my focus is self compassion as it relates to my critical nature today. And as a bonus, this helps me stay focused on what I can control and change - me!
3. Sometimes I just chant "trust" all day. I write it on my hand, I say it under my breath. Trusting that "everything will be okay in the end, and that if it's not okay, it's not the end" has been a lifelong challenge for me.
4. As obvious as it is, I have to remind myself to stay in the present moment where everything is manageable and possible.
5. And finally, I focus on what I want. I turn around and decide to focus on how I want to feel. May I feel... (relief). May I feel... (satisfied). May I feel... (safe). (peaceful) (calm) (connected) (inspired). This works like a charm.
Martha :)
I love the serenity prayer. thank you for contributing so. beautifully for us, Martha.
I also chant "trust" on days. It allows me to surrender to "life" and that "life" will look after me and show me the way. I find the more I surrender, the more everything just works out.
Some days it's like I'm sitting in the middle of a great storm, my feet are of the ground and I'm grasping for some grounding.....and suddenly out of nowhere, I find a new clarity, a wisdom, a shift in perception. It's like being given a gift, and that the storm was worth enduring.
That's the same for me. Anything that isn't in the flow is usually because I have forgotten this (truthfully, there are some days where life is all totally meaningless and cruel though, and then I really give up! but it all falls back into place again if I sit still long enough lol)
Martha, thank you for sharing your soul-healing ways with us.
"Trusting that 'everything will be okay in the end, and that if it's not okay, it's not the end' has been a lifelong challenge for me" is something I face every day. I need to try a couple of your points, maybe they will help heal my soul.
Inspiring and beautifully cultivated! Thank you, Martha.
I've been feeling the same. Your meditation "practicing gentle kindness" is a daily reminder for me that the ironing doesn't mean something is wrong with me. It reminds me I'm being given an invitation to shower myself with more love. To lean in and accept instead of resist and shame. That this too is a gift from love and is increasing my capacity to hold love for myself and others. Noticing the tension and how it increases when I resist it and decreases when I allow it.
“Noticing the tension and how it increases when I resist it, and decreases when I allow it.” Yes, I feel that. That is true surrender for me ❤️
Yes!
Hi sweet human...
You're not the only one. There ARE unseen forces abound that we know exist, both intellectually as well as in our guts. Things are shifting in the world and it's a very odd time we're living in. I vacillate daily, sometimes hourly, between the deepest sadness I have known (I am just turning 65) and remembering to use my tools to look at the present moment and say to myself, "woman in garden".
Thankfully, about a year ago, I discovered breathwork and that has helped a little bit but the biggest help for me is just literally not being attached to what is and what's happening and how it 'may' affect us and the world.
Humans can be the most generous and loving creatures and in an instant, flip to be the most selfish, greedy, destructive animal on the planet. I think we're always been this way...it's a flaw for sure.
How do I hold my heartbreak? By convincing myself that most people are good. That most of us want the same things...love, touching, joy, connection, chocolate! I keep in mind that this is just a blip in time and there have been far too many blips in time that have also been overwhelming to the humans who experienced them.
I, like you, find solace in the forest, which is why springtime in Montana is the hardest for me. Ice, snow, slush...I just feel as though I'm in jail waiting for it all to melt. Soon though, very soon.
What I know to be true...YOU are true. I am true. The people who love you are true. The love I had for my dog whom I lost last year was the truest ever and still brings me to a puddle if I let my attention rest too long on a photo or her dog bed which, for whatever reason, I resist finding a new home for.
Sunshine is true. Hell, it's all true. The key is not being attached but loving whatever is anyway.
We're here. We love you...I love you more than you may ever know.
Many hugs from Montana. Come visit. Bring your boys. We'll walk in the woods together and leave the boys with my boyfriend. He's teach them how to make a pot in our pottery studio and pick carrots in my garden.
Thank you for reaching out...Much love and tenderness...Elisabeth
Montana is one of my favourite places. thank you for the gracious invite. I felt your arms outstretched in a warm hug. love to you, Elisabeth.
Thank you for offering this. I, too, have been feeling disconnected from myself and others. Heart healing is a lot of "what does my soul need to tell me today" journal prompts and breath work. Sinking into my body to ask her what she needs. The heartbreak doesn't get easier. As a mental health professional and coach, the pain will always be and I do my best to process so that others may be lifted in their experience with pain.
What I know to be true is every time I surrender to what is, something opens up (ie. an idea, a release, a readiness, a different opportunity, a relationship, etc).
With much love to you Sarah, Bethany.
I'm an in a care giving living arrangement with my best friend.,fellow traveller, colleague, horse lover and so much more. We are in her final days under hospice. I am here,I am home is my nightly ritual. Thank you
I feel it too. Today has been so uncomfortable. My first thought is why does this always happen to me and no one else? I was so desperate for relief which I always find in your words sarah. I started listening to your work on living from the heart. It brought me tears of relief to know I’m not alone. And then I saw this post. 💕 Thank you, just to know I’m not alone. That this is being human and existing and showing up.
I’m with you Elizabeth, just knowing there is community and connection brings so much comfort and joy! xx
You are not alone. I am here too! xo
It's wonderful to have corners of warmth and understanding like this. I'm with you, Elizabeth.
There is a toolbox - which always has to be renewed. Old tools which used to work might get weak and need some sharpening, or new tools and insight wisdom comes and might end up in the toolbox. Even the techniques are slightly changing to keep the mind enganged - the techniques in the toolbox always come down to the same essence. A kind and gentle talk to yourself - might it be the work with the breath to ease the pain or a clear and conscious absorption of all the beauty around us. The appreciation of the smallest things which contribute to laughter and joy. A smile of a stranger, a comforting word, a sound of a bird, a pleasant tune on spotify. Dancing with the sense of fear, instead of hiding. Showing up to your own strength. An every day practice, an every day another chance to stay in the loving part of ourselves.
Thank you for the insight into how the tools in my toolbox can change. And for the suggestions on other tools to add. I hadn’t realized, until I saw your post, that the sound of the birds singing is a new tool for me in my toolbox.
Thank you Sarah for bringing me back in your gentle way to be with myself and to be kind to myself. Tomorrow is Emily’s birthday my youngest daughter who passed in 2017. I have a garden for her in my backyard and in my heart. I let friends comfort me by sharing their memories of my sweet amazing girl and I let her comfort me as she comes and sits beside me and whispers “I love you Mom and I’m always with you.”
Betty, happy birthday to your sweet, Emily. holding you in my thoughts today. sending love.
Thank you so much Sarah. We got off to a good start this morning listening to your meditation on Blessings. Emily continues to bless me and all those who knew her. I’m so grateful to you Sarah for sharing your gifts of love and insight. Sending love to you.
I am a new mother to a sweet little boy who turned 6 months old yesterday. I feel, somehow, like every day is pulling every last ounce of life and energy out of me, and, like every day is revealing a magic that I used to only dream about. Holding the duality of this precious, painful time with love is a breath by breath endeavor. I am determined to love this chapter well, and so very grateful for all of your words that serve as tiny lanterns while I feel my way through this path I cannot yet see clearly.
oh Natalie...you brought me all the way back to nursing my first born. I broke completely, and continue to be broken daily. It doesn't stop, but it is so very beautiful. My life's work and purpose came from the very bottom of being born a mother. I see you, and love you. thank you for sharing. extending my tiny lantern to you. xo
It's so comforting to hear you say, "I'm lonely for this kind of connection." I've tried to focus lately on contraction vs. expansion (from somatic therapy sessions) The contraction is always uncomfortable, but necessary. More frequent grounding - touch dirt, water, breath. Reminding ourselves we are here and now.
Sometimes it can be very useful and effective.
Oh Sarah,
Your words. I could read your writings all day long or listen to you all day long on insight timer.
When my monkey mind and my wounded heart take over I need time in nature and a good long walk/hike to make everything right again. I step away from the world for a minute. I breathe differently. I think differently. I feel differently. I am made a little bit more whole again and my vision becomes more clear. Big hugs for keeping us connected. xx
Nature is calm. When I don't have the opportunity to go out into nature, I look for other ways to find peace of mind. I can put my hands under the faucet with warm water, put my forehead against the mirror, and listen to the water, freeing my head from thoughts. It calms me down.
I think "unmoored" is how I feel.
I felt like I was in a body suit before transitioning, with the gaze from society reflecting back to me how wrong of a woman I was. I used to have my compass set towards self destruction, but it's been years now.
Well, now I feel better than I have in my entire life, physically and mentally. Sobriety, transitioning (not accepting myself had a lot to do with using), therapy, and building a community...I feel awake, alive, and like I am healing deep wounds (slowly but surely).
Interesting, how my joy, happiness, and autonomy over my body are seen as evil (I bet others who aren't trans can relate). Or maybe it's just a threat to Power? Either way, I worry about the wounds that are being created within me, within my community, right now. Surely societies messages of me being an abomination are seeping in. I'm not sure how or when they will manifest, metastasize. Just like COVID/quarantine. How is the collective and individual trauma showing up from that experience? I'm sure it's impacting me. Maybe all this hate is a result of that?
But...the unmooring comes from not being able to settle, feeling the need to be ready to go if I can't access healthcare one day. And where will I go?
Rian, thank you for sharing. My prayer is somehow, this violence will lead to a heartbreak so cataclysmic we will finally drop our arrogance and hold one another. There are things my being simply cannot understand, but I agree with Emily's comment, "there is a broader, warmer community of people who support and love you". Courage beloved. love to you.
Thank you so much, Sarah. You and your words have been truly been a gift in this life - and certainly a soothing balm now. Grateful for you, and to you! ❤️
Please know that even if you are unsupported in your immediate community, there is a broader, warmer community of people who support you and love you and see you. You matter and your healing is important. 💪
Thank you ❤️❤️
Rian, I am very grateful to have read your words. And you're correct that non-trans folk can relate to this struggle for autonomy and the external disdain that is sadly often part of the bargain - although I must say I am blown away on the regular by the courage of you and others that have had to fight so hard to live authentically. It is truly a beautiful slice of bravery that I so admire. You lift me up and don't even know it (well, ya do now). Stay strong! I know the struggle and uncertainty is real, but I think I can safely say you have a pack that has your back! We are kin!
This felt awesome to read. Thank you Daniel ☺️
That classic saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is certainly true, but in western societies we forget all too soon that the children we once were still live and breathe in our hearts every moment of every day. The sense of community has never been more needed as our devices that were meant to build bridges of communication and understanding instead drive us farther apart and isolate us in this digital information age. Real community, connection with our fellow humans, support of each other not as a form of trade or manipulation, awareness of our interconnected nature, and compassion & empathy have never been more needed. Give as you can, receive as you need, and explore your unique gifts to the healing of this world and all our relations. 🙏
Wonderful words. You are absolutely right, children are still inside us, they need these feelings. We need more love and understanding for our neighbors in these difficult times.
Not so much ironed as shattered...and not even sure which pieces go with which...and yet feeling a freedom in that...and to some extent I don't have to figure it out if I keep listening... softening instead of hardening...there is a joy in the rawness.
I can definitely relate to your perspective. Life is a complex mixture of both suffering and joy, similar to the starlight that shines through the vast darkness of space. As I embark on my journey to become a first-time mother, this contrast seems even more striking. Your words resonate with many of us who often struggle to put these emotions into words.
Lately, I have been contemplating the discrepancy between the pace of modern life and how our ancestors lived in harmony with nature. I have found solace in watching the "Our Universe" series on Netflix, which explains how the sun's energy powers all living things, from the grass to the cheetah. All living creatures need energy to survive, and the mother cheetah is a prime example of how energy should be conserved and spent wisely. Sometimes rest is necessary, and other times it is crucial to move forward and take action.
It's fascinating to think about how these concepts are tied to our nervous system and how we react to different situations. Thank you for the prompt! I hope whoever is reading this gets a warm hug from the universe. :)
Feeling your warm hug 💞. Good luck on your journey to become a first time mother. I am days away from becoming one myself. My journey has been arduous, with so much joy/heartbreak/gratitude/grief/all the feels. Sending you love and hope.
Ps. I am definitely going to check out this series on Netflix 🙏🏼
I too am feeling the weight of our time. It is hard, it is sharp edged and it is lonely. I try to shut out the noise as much as possible but it seeps through like water. There is always a crack. But I know why I’m here, and it’s to be of service. I find all of the ways I can to stay in flow, to feel aligned. I see people living in alignment with their purpose...it is a vibration. I speak with my guides, I am meeting new aspects of myself I never would have believed to be true. I repeat to myself, “Do It With Ease”or even, “Now try it again, with ease”...even the hard stuff. Ease is a place I go, it’s available more often than I would have guessed before I tried. It’s more like a choice, like choosing joy. I keep my focus small and appreciate what I have here and now. And I wholeheartedly appreciate this community and the unity I find here. I appreciate you all. X
Emily, I am using "do it with ease" today, and everyday now. thank you for sharing. May our focus be kept small, thank you for your words that felt like a prayer.
Thank you ❤️🙏
XX Emily!
You continually amaze Sarah and you bring such a beautiful collective together to deep dialogue, for which I'm always grateful. We truly do inhabit a world full of "unseen forces, forcing"--and contribute to those unseen forces even though our culture doesn't like acknowledging or looking closely at any of this. But doing so brings so much healing for ourselves and others as you astutely verbalize regularly. It all has value if we allow it.
I recently encountered this lovely quote from J. Krishnamurti and it brings me home again and again, reminding me that the kindness and goodness I so crave to see in the world actually begins with me:
"What you are, the world is. And without your transformation, there can be no transformation of the world. "
<3
It must be something in the air! I’m struggling recently too and have found remarkable relief in reiki!
I feel you. I have a Reiki session tonight. It’s been my saving grace along with yoga, breathwork and meditation.
Same here. Leaning into my reiki training later this month feels so right!
It’s honestly changed my life! It’s first time I’ve been anxiety free in decades!
2023 for me, so far, has carried these two qualities: Humility and Humor. Realizing that sometimes I'm the problem, and to be humble enough to laugh at myself through the discomfort. Humble enough to realize the absurdity of humanhood and sometimes all we need is a good giggle to start moving forward. Humor is a balm when humility feels too heavy. When the unseen forces are forcing, I welcome the chaos with a chuckle sparked by the adrenaline of change. "Bring it on", I say, wiping the nervous sweat away. And Sarah, you've taught me to hold my heartbreak with humility and grace, for I know the more honestly I tend to it, the more sustainable the healing will be. I know these things to be true; that with humility and humor, joy is always near.
Laughter! I need more giggling.thank you for the precious reminder. love to you, Allison
So….this is what you taught me to do. You told me to picture a time when it hurt this bad; either
now or before. I was in kindergarten and drawing the MOST beautiful picture of my house. I loved
it. I proudly took it to the circle and showed it, and the teacher laughed and said, “But the chimney is
crooked.” The other kids laughed, too. I was wide open, undefended, and took this as a sucker punch. I was heartbroken and deflated. I knew there was no one at home who would understand how much that dissing hurt. Fifty years later, you asked me to remember. I saw and felt her. I went over to her in that kindergarten room and told her what a wonderful picture it was. Then I looked across the circle and saw Frank Lloyd Wright sitting there. He smiled and said, “I like your chimney”. So, ‘I like my chimney’, has become my mantra. When I catch myself needing external validation,
these words of my OWN heart love, come in to remind me of who I am regardless of what others say
or do. “I like my chimney.” It is not easy. It is awkward and the scary part is the time lapse before the peace returns. But it DOES return….always. Just like you said it would. Thank you, brave Sarah.
Blessings, Pat Coyne
Oh, I like your chimney, too!! It’s a very fine chimney. 💖
I often like to say that I have a "vulnerability hangover". For instance, yesterday was my birthday and I had so much audacity - I was proudly and loudly celebrating myself all day. When I woke up this morning I immediately felt ashamed - like I must have been annoying to everyone around me. Too much. But when I name that feeling of shame a "vulnerability hangover" it reminds me that my body, heart and guts just need to repair themselves from taking risks and putting my true self out there. And if I tell people "I have a vulnerably hangover" they often really relate to the sensation and then my bad feelings start to go away...
Stacy, this has been such a learning place for me as well. The sharing and then the collapsing from shame. I see you, and know exactly what you are feeling. All I can say is, I will take the vulnerability any day, over a closed and detached life. I will wear me heart out, exposed and reaching for more light!
I like “vulnerability hangover.” Happy belated birthday, glorious Stacy!! You deserve celebrating every day!
I watch the birds and hear them sing. Life goes on, my broken heart is nesting with woodpeckers, is in the coffee grounds, the clouds, in me. I endure it, I share it for my pain is loud yet unheard. I want to connect but where. The rawness is oozing that makes most look away.
My purpose has been captured without my consent. Being pulled by forces beyond my control, I am being told to bend a knee that is not authentic to me. These forces hold my livelihood in their hands, and whether or not they care to be responsible for this, it is my current truth. I am caught, unable to change this truth, I must endure. I have grown from this experience, I have become more resilient. And although I may not be able to make a change at this time, I am making the best of the situation. Meditation, reflection, and space are where I find peace.
Wow, and yes: “My purpose has been captured without my consent.” Exactly what I’ve been feeling recently but just didn’t have the words for it. So spot on. Thank you for that share, it helps me to know I’m connected to kindred spirits. Still, it’s deeply disturbing to all parts of me and who I am to feel like the proverbial frog in a warming pot of water. I also take with me your gift of a reminder about resiliency ...there’s magic in that (unlike just persevering). So thank you for that too 🙏
I am swirling, my heart open amidst the unexpected loss of 2 extended family members who were within a year, older than I am at 62. Wow, how life changes in a blink, therefore the sharing of our precious and abundant love, our connective tissues with those who we adore at every opportunity matters. Now I look to the stars 🌟 above, the light pushing away my darkness layer by layer.
My family of origin and I have been navigating a sister deteriorating into psychosis, who cannot touch another without slinging her despair, delusion, and anger. I have watched her quick descent with sadness, but also fear. I feel my chest tighten as she rants and rages and I wonder what juice emerges from *me* when I am squeezed. Would life eventually forge me into a bullet, instead of a bowl? Have I shown kindness and love? Have I dripped light and peace into this storm--even if it has been whipped away? Or am I allowing the amphitheater of my ribcage to become a shrinking cast, like armor I am outgrowing, to stifle my trust in grace?
My anxiety finds the dark answer, of course, but I breathe through it, for it is not an answer carved in stone, but in tissues that constantly replenish. The message is changing in me, with every breath I allow in like rays of sun, with every upward trusting glance into the expanding universe above me.
Your words ring so true to me. I recently made a significant change in my life, and though it was
Well thought out, the aftermath has been unsettling. I used to talk myself out of these feelings by setting a new goal but now am I trying to just lean into the emotion and take one next step past it. I confess it feels like I’m getting tossed around by the undertow of a wave but when that has happened I’ve always been able to swim back to shore.
recently my 18 yo daughter experienced extreme heartbreak due to a breakup with her boyfriend. Gutted is a good word to describe how she felt and watching her ache and be in such pain was like pulling a bandaid off of a very old wound. i wept with her and held her while she tried to make sense of it all. in allowing space for that grief i remembered my practice of letting everything in. To the grief, I said, "Yes, this too" and "I see you grief. Come have a seat next to me and I will see you until you are ready to leave." I asked for the universe to allow me to hold her heart so that it doesn't break completely. i promised to return it in its true form when the pain had stopped.
i have been reminded so many times from your teachings that there are blessings in the wounds and i was reminded on Rumi's quote, "what wounds you blesses you". my daughter is an empath through and through. these last few days were crippling for her. she couldn't eat or sleep. all she could do was cry. can you remind me of the analogy of a flute being carved? her pain is shaping her and i believe she will be a the field of healing some day.
Oh Jessica, my heart hurts reading your post. It is very hard to embrace Rumi's words about the wound and the blessing when it comes to your child. I find parenting adult children to be more challenging than when they were young for this exact reason. It is so very hard to see them hurt or struggling.
I know that's where our greatest work lies, my brain gets that. We have to allow them to be and to go through it all to grow. And yet, when we have to sit by and watch their heartbreak it is an exquisite pain as a parent.
Sending you and your sensitive daughter love across the miles.
Thank you so much, Donna.
I'd like to say I am coping well. I'm not. I cut back on my work as a therapist a few years ago when I got a chronic fatigue-like condition and have been slowly trying to pull my way back up and out into life again. I am older and it is harder as we age to regenerate. So I am sticking to basics: meditation, eating simply and more healthily, connecting with good friends, going to Quaker Meeting (my church) and removing myself from watching mainstream news and a lot of social media. Exercise is very difficult and I have put on a lot of weight which I am also trying to deal with. I practice gratitude and compassion-for self and all sentient life. I composed a prayer that I recite at least once a day: Thank you for this blessed perfect day; for all things given and not; for my life and ife itself. May all sentient life be free from suffering; may we be safe; may we be happy. Amen. Reciting it grounds me. Wishing you well and thank you for being there!
Sarah- will you please host a retreat? ♥️♥️
I wrap my own hands around my body
To feel comfort
From the one
Who I have felt most distant
To feel lost
Within oneself
By actions of another
I feel broken
But a mosaic is art
A masterpiece created from hundreds
Thousands of pieces
Broken
To be put back together
As whole
As new
And show
As art
I am a mosaic masterpiece.
BEAUTIFUL!
Wonderful lines, bravo.
Thanks love!
mmmmmm being ironed. yes. i know that one.
what is true today:
at present, my heart and mind are quiet, still and full. i am also not sleeping well and am pretty sure i'm losing my hair. my body doesn't lie. she's anxious.
how i care for my heart:
i play music and burn incense. i practice yoga - close my eyes. breathe. feel my back on the floor.
i walk outside when i can. look for the birds. enjoy sunrises and that blue time at the end of day.
i shower my husband with little kisses.
cook beautiful, comforting food.
words i am clinging to: liminal, freedom, peace, letting go, joy
i have a tattoo on my upper left chest - almost shoulder. it's a heart i made as a kid - i put my hand there. it always gives me joy.
so beautiful, thank you Angie.
Right now I’m 3 months into a move to a new state and I ended my 10 year career to start a career more based in the metaphysical. I have been struggling to find who is my authentic self. Will these new friends like me? Will they care I don’t drink? What in the world will everyone think of this new business? So many, many confusing thoughts run wild through my brain daily, yet the little voice keep going is who I tune into. The little voice that tells me this is the path you need to travel is the one I try to keep listening too. I wobble, I weep and yet I come back to I believe in me. It’s hard right now but I do find grounding myself daily, clearing and protecting my energy daily, pulling an oracle card, reading a page of a book each morning and journaling bring me back to self. Oh and hot long baths. Sarah, your words, your guidance, your raw honesty is what I need and what so many in this world need. I look forward to your shares and discussions.
I wobble too, and weep if I'm lucky, and live for a hot bath at the end of the day. What joy to hear you are finding grounding daily. love and blessings. thank you for sharing.
💛💛💛💛💛💛
Sending you love Maura. I hear you and see you.
Had to reply, as your note spoke to my heart. I can relate to so much of what you’re sharing (and I’m sure many, many others here can too). So please always know - you’re never alone 🙏 You are loved and supported beyond words.
Letting go of the old & stepping into the new / unknown is h a r d w o r k - and takes a lot of courage. That’s why many never take the first step. But trust there is so so much beauty on the other side 💛
You’re doing beautiful work, listening to your inner voice, looking after your energy, focusing on grounding and prioritising your self care. And crying when you need to cry! All so important.
Thank you for being here and sharing your gifts, your light and your dark. 🙏✨
Rebecca...thank you. I'm glad what I wrote resonated with you. I feel the more vulnerable and open we can be the more we may help/support another person and in turn receive the support back we need as well. Thanks for seeing me:)
It's great that you listen to your inner voice, it leads us in the right direction. And its voice is the one you need to listen to.
Embarking on a new chapter. 40 years in mental health as a clinician. Saying goodbye to the last of my clients and beginning to hope for a new relationship with life other than as caregiver/provider. Awaking early each morning as the transition approaches feeling startled and apprehensive.
Despite all of the the fear and anger and confusion and grief that seems to find us... It’s still just amazing that we get to be alive. That we’re still on this side of wrestling with the tensions of this life and not on the other side - when perhaps we’ll be seeing with more clarity that all the scenarios of tension were just more opportunities for us to be love and fill these beautifully stretched hearts of ours a bit more.
I recently watched "Women Talking" (highly recommend!) and it wrecked me in the best way. I can't stop thinking about it. One line in particular is one that I've been carrying around me with me -- "Never fighting, always moving. Never fighting, always moving."
I was eating caramel candies and watching people's shoes.
It was very tempting to look up, and everytime the urge took hold, I'd pop another caramel and keep my eyes on the ground.
Boots, slip ons, high heels, office squares, pixie sneakers, hard core executives, slip ons with a bandage wrapped around the little toe. The one that goes wee, wee, wee, all the way home.
Ten thousand feet by noon and never a twin.
That's how I know.
love this. made me smile.
Thank you. I enjoy your work. Keep sarah-nading us!
Lately my focus is; to Not give it all away. To save some for me. What if work “ priority” points were given for self -care, instead up for coming on early and staying late! What if priority points were given for saying “no”. What if these things are most important to actually preforming better and loving work because I’m not depleted. This is what become important to me as I’m aging into my late 50’s this month and I’ve experience enough of giving it all away. Self care is out best health care. Self care helps us bring the best version of ourselves to our work in the world. But companies / businesses/ bosses/ they tend to want more physically and also more of our time. I’ve lowered my “priority “ by Iearning to say “no”, but I’ve raised my vibration, my energy, my life force, which is better the being a number on a priority list of worker bees! ❤️
I decided yesterday that I want my legacy to be that I helped others feel welcome and wanted. In a troubled and troubling world, I want to look for the goodness in others, acknowledge our shared humanity, and say aloud the words I’ve heard Sarah saying, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
I love you, Michelle. what a noble legacy. thank you.
Oh, thank you. I believe you. I love you 💕