Sweet Sarah... What a beautiful birthday surprise to wake up and allow your heartfelt message seep into mine. 💗
For the past few years I experience the “birthday blues” a few days leading up to it. It’s this sense of subtle dread that enters into my inner world. I looked it up to see if this is a common phenomenon and apparently it exists. Every turn around the sun prompts me to see what I’ve not accomplished yet. Mostly in terms of how the toughest stone I carry , the suffering that still feels raw from caring for my adult son with a disability, is still salient and grips at my jaw, mind, heart and soul. Yesterday, after visiting his friends at a school my son used to attend, I left feeling inadequate and even jealous. You see my son is nearing 30 and instead of engaging in a school or work where they create opportunities for social engagement, work and sport, my son refused to continue. He wanted out. He is a boy still in a man’s body. He gets anxious and irritated when overwhelmed. When I’m out and about with him, I’m like a hawk watching the environment for triggers and to see how he will respond. My nerves often take the brunt. This jagged stone has chiseled my heart into many pieces. Only the cry to surrender, the cry of I can’t take it anymore, led me on a path to deepest discovery. whittled me into a search for peace and calm. So the thirst for understanding, deep deep understanding and wisdom would offer reprieve.
I’ve come to see my son’s gifts are made of soft colored threads. A quiet disposition with a huge loving heart, big hugs, cuddles and simple conversations.
Sometimes I still visit the land of what if’s, he should be... still could be, did I make the right decision... who knows??? All I know for sure is that this stone has cracked open my heart, opened my eyes to far greater truths. But birthdays make us take stock and so here I am again with tears in my eyes, but seeing more clearly this time around.
Happiest day of birth, Michelle! my birthday is always a very tender day as well. Thank you for sharing your experience, and naming all the ways you are handing your life to the divine. Sending love as you begin to see more and more clearly.
Happy Birthday Michelle! I appreciate your response to Sarah's post as it resonates very deeply with me. I am the mother of 2 sons (age 9 and 11) medically diagnosed with Autism and I too struggle with the daily "what if's", "am I making the right decisions", and also fear of what the future will look like for my boys. Hearing your story has brought some comfort to know that I am not alone in this parenting "struggle". So, I want to send you love and acknowledgement.
P.S. My Birthday is on the 15th of this month and I too experience "birthday blues".
Tammi... thank you for the birthday wishes and for sharing your resonance. Our journey carries so many responsibilities, questions, shifting from expectations to acceptance, and learning to not take things personally. Our children are our biggest teachers, the lessons learned are far more valuable and greater than any diploma or degree. Among the obvious challenges, there are hidden treasures of personal transformation: a well of patience, unconditional love and compassion, gratitude for the most simplest of blessings. For us, the small are huge victories... no taking for granted.
Blessings to you and your boys! Wishing you a very Happy early Birthday dear Tammy ! Much love dear heart💞
Sarah, as I sit here in Rochester MN for a Mayo Clinic visit with my younger sister who had a heart attack in Sept. I opened this so we could both listen as we awake. Your words touched our hearts in more ways than we could have imagined. She is doing so much better and a resolution is forthcoming 🫶🏼🫶🏼
“To venture into the fire that burns and find the light that illuminates.” Beautiful. Thank you for sharing these heartminded reminders with us. We are blessed. 🙏💞
I love what you said about the churches bringing us closer to the Divine. I know the Divine is everywhere but this made me want to go to a church soon! Sadly, as you know Sarah, rural BC doesn’t have any ancient churches.
There is one very old church made of logs, surrounded by trees in a valley, near me. I love walking that sacred ground to receive nourishment.
Sending love and light to you and your family, especially your small son. May he be well💕
There’s something so hallowed about being reminded of our shared human experiences. I look to you as a teacher Sarah. When I hear you say that you too fear losing a loved one, doubt your vocation, and obsess about your health, you offer me gentle fellowship in my own felt fears. Those dim and dark places become gathering places for sweetness, strength and courage. We enfold each other in love’s light. Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m so grateful to be with you in this way.
This came into my inbox as I am sitting in the emergency room waiting to see a doctor for a pain n stomach. A different kind of pain than what you describe but that pain was flowing through me as well. Letting go of worries is my biggest dream. Thank you for your words. May your day be filled with peace and joy ❤️👏🙏
I have listened and watched for near eight years now, and the tonality of this offering shifted. As if recognition finally found home. I too have felt the deafening silence in the monuments and the still places in the cathedrals of nature. And when the dread surfaces the torrent carries my resolve far out to sea, helplessly adrift. Today for the countless time the familiar glisten of humility and recognition queued buoyantly as the rush of air filled my lungs. Why oh why does the truth cloak itself in the shadows bereft of starlight? Does the polarity of my angst sharpen my understanding of wisdoms calling? And yet I know it must always be so. And I will acquiesce and I will try to remember, practice, practice, practice! The vulnerability we share is as universal as the delicate wave that carries us moment by moment. And it is not for long, no not long at all. Please never doubt the sanctity of effort, it is as pervasive and perennial as the grass. And the resolute sharing of the gift is not easy, but the very essence of love. All is Love, Love is All. Peace, Harmony and Ease. All the life vest we need...
Breathlessly reading your words, Larry. "Does the polarity of my angst sharpen my understanding of wisdoms call?". Thank you for your reflection. Having such wonderfully open and wise hearts to share my heart with is something I cannot explain. I gain greater wisdom through this kind of exchange, and am forever grateful for what you share.
Beautiful words, so many little passages touched my heart. Lately every time I hear your words my thoughts go to seeing them bound on paper... your words are simply poetry and they have the power to transform. Thank you so much for guiding me these last 5+ years, the journey is easier and less lonely with you as a resource to turn to in these times. ♥️
Thank you for being a harbinger of such deep wisdom, Sarah, you have no idea the deep places you are touching within all of us, and helping us to navigate our own wisdom. So much utter gratitude to you. 🙏
Always expansion, with tears, and gripping, yet moving towards the boulder and the pain. This community of brave hearts, lead by you, dearest Sarah, gives me courage to continue facing all. May our boulders be smoothed, polished and 'whittled down' by the tumbling smaller stones of love we carry. Deep bow of gratitude always 💖
Is there an online community where conversations on these topics take place? A place of people like all of you here who understand these things and where there can be ongoing dialogue?
I feel a need to have extended conversations on these topics, where I can process, and feel, and see myself in others.
I love this community and have no plans to leave, but the Substack format keeps these conversations limited.
This Folding In was profound and I wish to discuss these gems with people.
Sarah speaks of "another way emerging. Another Self asking to become part of my experience." Someone who waits until beckoned, who is poised, who is increasingly visible.
I have my own version of someone like this. He or She (I'll call this someone "they" for now) is strong. But they don't witness life's terrible events with unflinching compassion, as Sarah's does. Mine doesn't meet the world. Mine is accessible only to me, sometimes after one conscious breath and sometimes after many. But they are not there when I collaborate with others, or even talk with others. They are ephemeral. Elusive even.
Sarah mentions that her intention is that everything she offers and passes on will be a part of her heart. So little of what I touch is part of my heart.
I want to hear from people who also have access to their heart, or to an emerging strong and peaceful Self (or maybe those two are one) how that is brought into their daily life.
Alfredo these are THE questions and you voice them with great clarity.
Our other Self must show up fully for US before they can be present in the world, when we are in communication with others. Perhaps your deepest self is there getting your attention, as you said, waiting for more consistent embodiment to be able to show up without being called. We just need to keep allowing and surrendering to the process, which is not easy!
Thank you for your response, Donna. What I hear you saying is that maybe it's okay that this Self for now shows up only for me - and may emerge gradually in my interactions with others. Yes, in the meantime I do enjoy what I see in solitude. There is comfort and strength there, even if it's only while I'm still and in my own space.
Yes, this is what I've found. It's there fully for me and, understandably, takes so much effort around others but with practice it will emerge fully to be there always. I don't yet know this to be true! I am taking the word of those who have come before me.
I so look forward to your inspiring words spoken with such a calming voice. You have such a gift and so grateful that you share it! I listened to your mediation "I am here I am home" this morning and kept thinking of that meditation as I listened to this. One of the many things I've been so blessed to learn from you that no matter wherever I go or whatever is occurring in my life, I always have my internal home - my safety - my sacred place - where I can go and sit with my suffering and know without a shadow of a doubt that the divine is sitting with me. No more numbing or running. The best place to go is within and ALWAYS find the comfort that I seek. Hope you a have great week as well and can't wait for your next blessing!
This was so powerful and beautiful, Sarah, an incantation. Words I will read again and again--just as your guided spoken meditations are the ones that soothe me to sleep each night. I am feeling the same way these days about my Self who emerged from the rubble of a divorce this year. She is more and more present--more than ever in fact, now, at 63, as if she was waiting there all along--and for that I am so grateful.
I am learning to sit with this boulder of the things I do not want to face and the wise one is always there patiently present. Keeping the wise one present has been a goal of mine. Facing the boulder of suffering I’m trying to leave behind while chipping away at it to maybe being smoothed off as you so eloquently say. For me the wise one says give your gift of your caring heart keeping that open as to your aura so others can benefit from your love. That’s my life purpose now. Maybe it’s my affirmations each morning that keeps me on that path for the most part.
Your words inevitably define exactly my thoughts and emotions. I like every other subscriber have deep gratitude for bringing our true selves to light through your deep wisdom you share. Thank you from the cornerstone of my spirit. I will carry this message with me for many days to come.
Thank you for this beautiful message. My mental health has been struggling of late caring for my sister who has Alzheimer’s is breaking my heart a little more each day and I find the holidays especially hard because my family has has had so much loss... my brother to suicide, my father as a result of a car accident, my Mom to dementia and now we are dealing with my sister’s diagnosis. I have support to lean on but it is hard some days not to be sad and angry. Your words bring me comfort. Be well all and thank you Sarah. 🩷
Sweet Sarah... What a beautiful birthday surprise to wake up and allow your heartfelt message seep into mine. 💗
For the past few years I experience the “birthday blues” a few days leading up to it. It’s this sense of subtle dread that enters into my inner world. I looked it up to see if this is a common phenomenon and apparently it exists. Every turn around the sun prompts me to see what I’ve not accomplished yet. Mostly in terms of how the toughest stone I carry , the suffering that still feels raw from caring for my adult son with a disability, is still salient and grips at my jaw, mind, heart and soul. Yesterday, after visiting his friends at a school my son used to attend, I left feeling inadequate and even jealous. You see my son is nearing 30 and instead of engaging in a school or work where they create opportunities for social engagement, work and sport, my son refused to continue. He wanted out. He is a boy still in a man’s body. He gets anxious and irritated when overwhelmed. When I’m out and about with him, I’m like a hawk watching the environment for triggers and to see how he will respond. My nerves often take the brunt. This jagged stone has chiseled my heart into many pieces. Only the cry to surrender, the cry of I can’t take it anymore, led me on a path to deepest discovery. whittled me into a search for peace and calm. So the thirst for understanding, deep deep understanding and wisdom would offer reprieve.
I’ve come to see my son’s gifts are made of soft colored threads. A quiet disposition with a huge loving heart, big hugs, cuddles and simple conversations.
Sometimes I still visit the land of what if’s, he should be... still could be, did I make the right decision... who knows??? All I know for sure is that this stone has cracked open my heart, opened my eyes to far greater truths. But birthdays make us take stock and so here I am again with tears in my eyes, but seeing more clearly this time around.
Much love Sweet Sarah💙✨💙
Happiest day of birth, Michelle! my birthday is always a very tender day as well. Thank you for sharing your experience, and naming all the ways you are handing your life to the divine. Sending love as you begin to see more and more clearly.
Happy Birthday Michelle! I appreciate your response to Sarah's post as it resonates very deeply with me. I am the mother of 2 sons (age 9 and 11) medically diagnosed with Autism and I too struggle with the daily "what if's", "am I making the right decisions", and also fear of what the future will look like for my boys. Hearing your story has brought some comfort to know that I am not alone in this parenting "struggle". So, I want to send you love and acknowledgement.
P.S. My Birthday is on the 15th of this month and I too experience "birthday blues".
Tammi... thank you for the birthday wishes and for sharing your resonance. Our journey carries so many responsibilities, questions, shifting from expectations to acceptance, and learning to not take things personally. Our children are our biggest teachers, the lessons learned are far more valuable and greater than any diploma or degree. Among the obvious challenges, there are hidden treasures of personal transformation: a well of patience, unconditional love and compassion, gratitude for the most simplest of blessings. For us, the small are huge victories... no taking for granted.
Blessings to you and your boys! Wishing you a very Happy early Birthday dear Tammy ! Much love dear heart💞
Sarah, as I sit here in Rochester MN for a Mayo Clinic visit with my younger sister who had a heart attack in Sept. I opened this so we could both listen as we awake. Your words touched our hearts in more ways than we could have imagined. She is doing so much better and a resolution is forthcoming 🫶🏼🫶🏼
Thank you for sharing your gift of words.
oooooooohhhh, what a gift to read this. I am so happy to have sat with you and your sister in some way. blessings to you both.
“To venture into the fire that burns and find the light that illuminates.” Beautiful. Thank you for sharing these heartminded reminders with us. We are blessed. 🙏💞
That passage also pulled me in as well✨
I love what you said about the churches bringing us closer to the Divine. I know the Divine is everywhere but this made me want to go to a church soon! Sadly, as you know Sarah, rural BC doesn’t have any ancient churches.
There is one very old church made of logs, surrounded by trees in a valley, near me. I love walking that sacred ground to receive nourishment.
Sending love and light to you and your family, especially your small son. May he be well💕
There’s something so hallowed about being reminded of our shared human experiences. I look to you as a teacher Sarah. When I hear you say that you too fear losing a loved one, doubt your vocation, and obsess about your health, you offer me gentle fellowship in my own felt fears. Those dim and dark places become gathering places for sweetness, strength and courage. We enfold each other in love’s light. Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m so grateful to be with you in this way.
Libby, what a beautiful note. Thank you for your words. I am grateful to be with you in this way as well.
This came into my inbox as I am sitting in the emergency room waiting to see a doctor for a pain n stomach. A different kind of pain than what you describe but that pain was flowing through me as well. Letting go of worries is my biggest dream. Thank you for your words. May your day be filled with peace and joy ❤️👏🙏
Bob! I pray this finds you feeling better than yesterday. May your pain be alleviated and your worries quieted. Sending love.
Thanks I am feeling a bit better 🙏
I'm so sorry. Wishing you peace and healing. I will be glad to hear updates on what was discovered and how you're feeling, if you care to share them.
Bob, sending you healing vibes and a smooth ride through ER. May you be well.
Bob... may your health be restored and worries lighten✨🙏✨
Peace and joy to you as well💜
Hope your pain will be blown away soon dear Bob ❤️🩹
Hope you find answers and relief to your pain.
I have listened and watched for near eight years now, and the tonality of this offering shifted. As if recognition finally found home. I too have felt the deafening silence in the monuments and the still places in the cathedrals of nature. And when the dread surfaces the torrent carries my resolve far out to sea, helplessly adrift. Today for the countless time the familiar glisten of humility and recognition queued buoyantly as the rush of air filled my lungs. Why oh why does the truth cloak itself in the shadows bereft of starlight? Does the polarity of my angst sharpen my understanding of wisdoms calling? And yet I know it must always be so. And I will acquiesce and I will try to remember, practice, practice, practice! The vulnerability we share is as universal as the delicate wave that carries us moment by moment. And it is not for long, no not long at all. Please never doubt the sanctity of effort, it is as pervasive and perennial as the grass. And the resolute sharing of the gift is not easy, but the very essence of love. All is Love, Love is All. Peace, Harmony and Ease. All the life vest we need...
Breathlessly reading your words, Larry. "Does the polarity of my angst sharpen my understanding of wisdoms call?". Thank you for your reflection. Having such wonderfully open and wise hearts to share my heart with is something I cannot explain. I gain greater wisdom through this kind of exchange, and am forever grateful for what you share.
Beautiful words, so many little passages touched my heart. Lately every time I hear your words my thoughts go to seeing them bound on paper... your words are simply poetry and they have the power to transform. Thank you so much for guiding me these last 5+ years, the journey is easier and less lonely with you as a resource to turn to in these times. ♥️
the honour is mine, Tammy! truly.
Thank you for being a harbinger of such deep wisdom, Sarah, you have no idea the deep places you are touching within all of us, and helping us to navigate our own wisdom. So much utter gratitude to you. 🙏
Lynn, my heart just grew in the light of your words and blessing. Thank you so much for being here.
Oh, thank you Sarah! What an honor, truly, for all of our souls to travel together. 💞
Always expansion, with tears, and gripping, yet moving towards the boulder and the pain. This community of brave hearts, lead by you, dearest Sarah, gives me courage to continue facing all. May our boulders be smoothed, polished and 'whittled down' by the tumbling smaller stones of love we carry. Deep bow of gratitude always 💖
This is so good. Such treasure here.
Is there an online community where conversations on these topics take place? A place of people like all of you here who understand these things and where there can be ongoing dialogue?
I feel a need to have extended conversations on these topics, where I can process, and feel, and see myself in others.
I love this community and have no plans to leave, but the Substack format keeps these conversations limited.
This Folding In was profound and I wish to discuss these gems with people.
Sarah speaks of "another way emerging. Another Self asking to become part of my experience." Someone who waits until beckoned, who is poised, who is increasingly visible.
I have my own version of someone like this. He or She (I'll call this someone "they" for now) is strong. But they don't witness life's terrible events with unflinching compassion, as Sarah's does. Mine doesn't meet the world. Mine is accessible only to me, sometimes after one conscious breath and sometimes after many. But they are not there when I collaborate with others, or even talk with others. They are ephemeral. Elusive even.
Sarah mentions that her intention is that everything she offers and passes on will be a part of her heart. So little of what I touch is part of my heart.
I want to hear from people who also have access to their heart, or to an emerging strong and peaceful Self (or maybe those two are one) how that is brought into their daily life.
Thank you for reading this.
Alfredo these are THE questions and you voice them with great clarity.
Our other Self must show up fully for US before they can be present in the world, when we are in communication with others. Perhaps your deepest self is there getting your attention, as you said, waiting for more consistent embodiment to be able to show up without being called. We just need to keep allowing and surrendering to the process, which is not easy!
Thank you for your response, Donna. What I hear you saying is that maybe it's okay that this Self for now shows up only for me - and may emerge gradually in my interactions with others. Yes, in the meantime I do enjoy what I see in solitude. There is comfort and strength there, even if it's only while I'm still and in my own space.
Yes, this is what I've found. It's there fully for me and, understandably, takes so much effort around others but with practice it will emerge fully to be there always. I don't yet know this to be true! I am taking the word of those who have come before me.
I so look forward to your inspiring words spoken with such a calming voice. You have such a gift and so grateful that you share it! I listened to your mediation "I am here I am home" this morning and kept thinking of that meditation as I listened to this. One of the many things I've been so blessed to learn from you that no matter wherever I go or whatever is occurring in my life, I always have my internal home - my safety - my sacred place - where I can go and sit with my suffering and know without a shadow of a doubt that the divine is sitting with me. No more numbing or running. The best place to go is within and ALWAYS find the comfort that I seek. Hope you a have great week as well and can't wait for your next blessing!
thank you,Todd! it is always so lovely to hear your reflections!
This was so powerful and beautiful, Sarah, an incantation. Words I will read again and again--just as your guided spoken meditations are the ones that soothe me to sleep each night. I am feeling the same way these days about my Self who emerged from the rubble of a divorce this year. She is more and more present--more than ever in fact, now, at 63, as if she was waiting there all along--and for that I am so grateful.
Joy! Smiles! Profound recognition! May we continue to see and embody this self! thank you for sharing, Amy.
I am learning to sit with this boulder of the things I do not want to face and the wise one is always there patiently present. Keeping the wise one present has been a goal of mine. Facing the boulder of suffering I’m trying to leave behind while chipping away at it to maybe being smoothed off as you so eloquently say. For me the wise one says give your gift of your caring heart keeping that open as to your aura so others can benefit from your love. That’s my life purpose now. Maybe it’s my affirmations each morning that keeps me on that path for the most part.
Your words inevitably define exactly my thoughts and emotions. I like every other subscriber have deep gratitude for bringing our true selves to light through your deep wisdom you share. Thank you from the cornerstone of my spirit. I will carry this message with me for many days to come.
I see the stones rolling in my hand and getting softer & softer. 💫🙏🏼🤍🕊️
Thank you for this beautiful message. My mental health has been struggling of late caring for my sister who has Alzheimer’s is breaking my heart a little more each day and I find the holidays especially hard because my family has has had so much loss... my brother to suicide, my father as a result of a car accident, my Mom to dementia and now we are dealing with my sister’s diagnosis. I have support to lean on but it is hard some days not to be sad and angry. Your words bring me comfort. Be well all and thank you Sarah. 🩷
Courage, beloved. I send all my love.