533 Comments

Letting the universe unfold without trying to control the outcome

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the space between endings and beginnings

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I think sometimes about death and dying. I'd love for it to touch my life in a way that brought lightness and love and connection instead of anxiety and fear. That sounds like living to me.

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Oct 11, 2022Liked by Sarah Blondin

Ok, longer than a few words in response, but at 70 I 'get' to do this ; )

Dear Sarah, "resonance between your heart and mine??"... oh my! One way I define you to people I share with is that you are someone who not only "gets 'it' ", you "speak my language", you are from "my planet"... you go deep, fast and softely....touch my soul with an insight I find in no other 'human' around me or currently in my life. I not only resonate, but dive deeply with you each time I listen to you. I find a remarkable resemblence of who I am and the dance of my mind and heart... to your ability to embrace and go inward, interest to share, and wordsmith prowess, re: being, looking, surviving. Yes.. yes... yes there is resonance between your heart and mine! Hmmm... what's on my heart? For me, it's the reality of of how to be "okay" to be "okay". To let go, drop what I call the DNA of my intensity, my 'survival' story, how amazing that at last life (gratefully for me) is the most calm and stable it has ever been... and I've had a long one! I'm finding I don't know how to live in ease and calm, it's a new practice for me. Shush, shhhhh nevous system, shhhhh......

With that said, my somatic experience, nervous system, often feels that it remains battered, beaten and bruised. Not wanted, "not seen" (which goes back to an initial rape/abuse as a teen that I have carried with me my entire life of "no one was there... no one witnessed.... and in those days you certainly didn't tell anyone!" and domestic violence). At 70 I've just been learning via somatic experiencing coaching THAT is a connection to why I've never felt "seen" and how important it is when I am!! I've had a 40 year career working with the disabled (primarially Deaf Community) and working/supporting survivors of Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault on a state level. I worked in upper management, was state director of training, managed statewide customer service department with Deaf staff, and coordinated services for Deaf victims of DV/SA throughout the state of Wisconsin.

....Yet, here's where my heart is... retired, safe, alone (utterly, but preciously alone), 2 kids grown with their own families doing well, and yet... Sarah, here I am with a "broken soul" that almost doesn't know what to do with NOT being in "fight or flight"! Analogy I made up and love: Retirement is like tap dancing as fast as you can your entire life... and then, the music stops. This relates to life in general for me as well... the music/distraction of suvival has stopped. There's just me here now (and 2 small dogs). I have want for nothing. I am utterly alone with truck loads of tools (Buddhist for 22 years, tons of my own personal growth 'mission', and Masters degree in Counseling)... plus, getting old and facing my body changing, hurting, ... the last chapter, and death. I continue to work every day on all of this in various ways. Latest is Qigong to Native American Flute music! (and I still ride my precious motorcycle!) And, mornings I listen to you in bed, eyes covered, holding and surrounded by pillows and down comforter and often burning tears fall from a deep, 'far away place' as I so profoundly resonate with you. You touch my soul, Sarah. You, my dear one, touch my soul. I feel "seen" by you. Gassho.

(A friend once told me an analogy that makes me think if of you, and how we resonate.... she said it's like we are standing on the edge of deep, dark, scary forest and there is a conveyor belt going down into it and she said "and YOU just get on it and go down in with no fear knowing you'll come out" and then said she'd sooner die than trust if she got on, she'd never come out! Sarah, I absolutely love that finding you, has been finding one more person who willingly just steps on that conveyor belt down into the dark knowing you'll come out, as I do. (P.s. you can't ask me about my heart and get a short, one sentence reply ; ) Thankful for you; just keep on being all that you are. Take from this what you will, I trust my heart will resonate.

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Feeling lost but resisting surrender and trust.

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perhaps around a concept I have been marinating -- that (unlike us) nothing in nature sees itself. would love to feel where you might carry it.

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feeling like you're in anticipation of something - how to live in the in-between

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how to have a healthy relationship with this thing called "money"

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Full but not fulfilled; too much noise, not enough quiet.

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How to accept and practice compassion with people you love deeply who have different core values and opinions than you do.

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Connecting with God. Lately, I've been in a real dry season with spirituality and feeling connected to a higher divine source. I could always sense a presence in the past, but lately, I don't at all... it's a scary feeling to feel like I'm out here willy nilly and the more I pray and try to become connected, the more distant I feel. I've always loved your meditations and sharing because you speak about God in ways I relate ~ mostly through nature. I'd love to hear you free write on times you've felt disconnected and what you did in those moments to stay hopeful when you couldn't touch the light.

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This has resonated with me today.

I’ve done a painting and the quote was constantly going round in my head

“The Wound Is The Place Where The Light Enters You” ~ Rumi

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Permission to play

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The ache of change.

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Joy and vulnerability. How both exist together.

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I will be an ancestor one day.

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Living your day in flow state. Returning to flow state when disregulated.

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The paradox of wanting to share your gift and equally wanting privacy.

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COMPARISON is a thief

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Resistant Surrender

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"I am enough"

I struggle daily with feelings of never being enough as a parent, wife, member of the community

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choosing one's wellbeing over others' expectations, and times when choosing "small" is actually radical self-care, simplifying, cleansing.

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Authenticity

In the search for truth in life, and about life, I am questioning the authenticity of others, as well as myself. People are not what they seem or what they portray themselves to be. This is resulting in a variety of emotional and psychological discomforts and confusion.

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Finding that lightness, in the hustle of everyday life :)

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Whose life expectations are we unconsciously following to our own detriment

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abandonment

loneliness

betrayal

rejection

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belonging

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Letting go of the guilt of walking away from hurtful family relationships. I want to be free from this and stop doubting my choice, esp since I know it’s needed 🤍

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Maternity and the challenge of loving someone so deeply and feeling so happy for being a mother, and yet having so many confused feelings about the new “me” that was born with my daughter, and who we are/who we became since labor.

This is something so beautiful, so powerful, so deep and yet so challenging that I would love to hear more from you, Sarah.

Thank you from my heart to yours

Xx

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Anxious attachment

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What is my purpose?

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Transitions and letting go and what we have learned from nature

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How to find my tribe. The real friends I aim for

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Self abandonment - what does the most vulnerable part of me need right now and can I parent that.

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Allowing feminine energy in but still living in a world that asks you to get things done (like mothering kids with hefty schedules)

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Motherhood is

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Grief and the everlasting hole that it leaves in your heart ❤️

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currently on my mind: when will i finally feel safe to be a woman in this society, when will i feel safe enough to live a life that pays the bills AND fills my heart?

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Wait. Weight.

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author

LOVE all of these notes! Can't wait to sit down and write! thank you

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A question I saw yesterday that I’ve been sitting with since… “If you want something you have never had, you must do something you have never done. What would your something be?”

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What is sitting on my heart is the question of how can I make someone be faithful to me.

It seems like a stupid question, but as nobody knows me here, I find the courage to write it down anyway. Maybe there is no answer to that and maybe there is no way to make that happen. But it helps writing my question down.

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The word could be "Surf". Although I do it literally with the ocean, it also applies to all life in the sense that we are all surfing through the ocean of life... Often, one may look at surfing from a distance and think that it is either basic fun, scary, or mainly just sustainable fitness. But when one surfs throughout the year, one continually is faced with ups and downs and everything in between and that is the same with trying to live life with awareness. For example, when "caught inside" (meaning looking at medium to large waves breaking right onto you (with enough force to snap a leg or easily break a surfboard in half) or breaking in front of you and you have to watch and think quickly as a 5-15 foot wall of whitewater barrels right at you, it can become a survival game - and by paying attention one learns how to deal with this) - and daily life outside the ocean is the same-a figurative wave breaks and is heading towards us and we have many different concerns, fears, awarenesses and thoughts as this "wave" is coming at us and we cannot stop it - so what do we do? And surf also greatly is about the symbiotic relationship between human and ocean/earth, and so every moment in the ocean is literally like being in the womb of Mother Earth. But in the ocean we don't have our mother's belly to keep us safe, and to survive and thrive one needs to learn to pay attention. I wish knowing how to "pay attention" in day to day life was as "focused" as it is in the ocean. I think the reason it is harder to pay attention on land is that we are not necessarily dealing with a literal immediate threat to our existence as one faces in the water - on land we are more often facing more distant threats that may be anywhere from an hour to a month or two further out, and so we have some wiggle room as to how we choose to pay attention, and we can tend to push it out of our view a bit - we are NOT forced to practice "paying attention". But the ocean will take your life in a split second if you do not pay attention right there in that moment.

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How to truly heal and open your heart back up to love.

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Resting rather than doing. (Sitting in the present moment enjoying motherhood and this season and all the demands without falling into the numbing of doing to fight off the anxiety the wants to creep in).

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Permission to rest

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My body is trying to tell me...

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What happens when your child is in pain. I have mothered with a full heart until the pandemic hit and instead of our unit becoming stronger we, self isolated within the unit. Now two individuals battling each other, lost in an abyss of fear. A year after and finding our feet again, redefining who we are. Lost, found, lost again. I lost my role as. mother, and now my daughter needs me more than ever, how do I find her.

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Emotion is just Energy.

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