Thank you for this, as ever Sarah. Initially I thought I heard sadness & despondency in your voice but came to realise that your acceptance of the exploration of discomfort actually serves to heal & comfort. I resonate so much with the continued questioning of my sensitivity and overly thoughtful & feeling heart & the way I denigrate myself & wonder why others don’t seem to be so deeply affected by the world as I am.
Hearing you ask the question ‘what am I doing right?’ spins this on its head & makes it so much more bearable, enjoyable & acceptable even. Thank you for helping me change my perspective & soften the harshness of my personal analysis. I need reminding of this daily…maybe I should place a print on my wall to remind me…
Hi Karen! You likely did hear some sadness in my voice, it was a tender piece for me to write and share. I think we all need "what are you doing right?" posted on our walls. Thank you for your beautiful words and kinship.
For much of this year, I've felt a mild numbness—a thin shell that allowed just enough feeling that I feared I wouldn't open again. Then, an unexplained shift last week. Grace, I guess. I don't know what went right, but I'll take it. I've gotten to the point that this openness of heart—this fuller feeling of happiness, grief, all the colors—is perhaps the most important thing to me.
I hear you Sarah. My mouth is regularly on fire with burning mouth syndrome and apthous ulcers most weeks ... grief rages through me too ... and like you I feel as if grief has been with me for most of my life. I lost my first baby and then fifteen years later my son and have always believed the deep pain felt in my upper arms is grief trapped a daily reminder ... rising from the heart and down through the arms but blocked because I have no child to hold ... and aching is yearning to be held. I believe very much in body mind connection. I massage my arms, I use essential oils, and I weep. I am inflamed ... angry with so much in my past and present day life ... the injustices and so on ... my ulcers eat away at me ... my mouth burns ... anger is sadness for me with nowhere to go. Now seventy I tense against further challenges ... these senses of foreboding. We are expected to 'get over our losses' to suit other's expectations. How few understand what another goes through in life. Many blessings x
Jane, thank you so much for sharing this intimate, heart-rending moment with us. Your practice of massaging your arms and taking care of that ache touches me. Thanks for your kinship, I'm so glad to connect with you here. Let us hold each other's pain in community.
Jane, thank you for sharing. I hope that in time your grief and rage and tired arms find solace, peace, and grace. I lost a 5-month, second trimester baby myself in 2022 and I know the depth of that pain. I am comforted by knowing he is always with me. In fact, his nickname was Poppy and Sarah mentioned being the color of Poppy. Every time, I hear or see Poppies, I know that is him, telling me, I am okay, Mommy and I love you, Mommy. But it is hard not to grief not being able to hold him in my arms. I allow my grief to present itself wherever and whenever because I know that grief is love with nowhere to go. 💚
Thank you for opening up and sharing what weighs heavy for you. Not easy to be so open about events that have shackled the heart. I bow to your immense courage, journey and the trust you have shown us all here.
My heart sends you much peace, love and light. 🙏💖🙏
Oh Jane, sending so much love & strength to you for your losses. Your analysis of your grief makes so much sense…I wish for you for a kinder, more gentle place for your grief to reside & sending loving blessings 💫
Fire 🔥 in your belly arising with no where to hide or to go. Kali, keeps a fire going in the foundation of my BEing. I climb down the stairs to visit her. Sometimes it’s barely a smolder and at other times it’s a huge, apocalyptic inferno. She cackles and shares she’s “burning the fat away.” All the stuff of my life no longer needed, the false narratives, harsh critic, the one who has her finger forever glued to the worry button. I know this fire you speak of Sarah, and it clears the path for the “What am I doing right?” to be clearly felt without the thorns and brambles. Tears fell down my cheeks in your life giving meditation. I’ve been through a tough one with a very painful encounter. I was able to spend time w/ my mentor processing and integrating it. Today, this has called up and forth any remnants that lagged behind for my tender attention, holding and then release. My deepest gratitude 🙏🏽for you and for our connection here to what matters most. In love and light I am, we are, forever as one. Mahalo Nui. 💜💫
Joanie, it is such a gift to hear that you carry the same fire and that you recognize the initiation within it. What a joy it is to hear so many women gathering around our communal fire in this way. There is immense wisdom here. Your sharing is very much appreciated.
Thank you, Sarah. This is so incredibly beautiful and touched me deeply. It felt like you were reflecting my experience so intimately and accurately. You’re such a beautiful soul!! Thank you for sharing the light beaming from your translucent skin. I, too, feel permission to embrace the complexities of my deep feeling Self and that I am not alone. Not one bit. Thank you, thank you, thank you ♥️🌹
Sarah. ❤️ Thank you for this message and meditation today. Just asking myself ‘what am I doing right?’, created a lightness in my chest and an ease in my breathing. I was then aware of the unconscious repetition of the question ‘what am I doing wrong?’ It plays on repeat in my mind and heart. I also have a recent skin rash but on my legs. Your message syncs with how I feel and process life. Grief alongside fear, my companions. Your insights give me much to sit with. I deeply appreciate all that you are and all that you share. Many thanks. ♥️
I too saw a healer last year for several acupuncture. She saw my rosascea starting and I had not seen it yet. She told me I was too "hot" with slow chi. I have had sooooo much grief in last 4 years but have been a grieving person my whole life as well. This podcast was exquisite (as always) and I gently wrapped my arms in a hug for myself during the meditation..Thank you for the mantra. 🙏
So beautiful. I have no words. Thank you for sharing, for planting the seeds of love, wisdom, compassion and self compassion over and over again in a multitude of ways. And thank you for leading the way through the fire, always, all ways.
Sarah, I felt this deep within. Your words often so eloquently define words that I cannot say. Today’s writing reminds me of the bravery one has when “responding to your listening by lighting up your body with light most are afraid to touch.” I don’t like the red fire in my chest either but for today I’m choosing Presence, holding both grief and joy.
I am grateful for these words on grief. "What are you doing right?" Years ago in a season of grief a wise old spiritual director reminded me of the room of grief, he said, "It is a place we go when we are forced to redefine ourselves." Then he said, "You are doing right by exploring this room because it is a threshold of transformation." He simply invited me to explore and be curious...looking back it opened up to a new way of savoring every moment. He taught me that everyday is a "bonus day." Perusal thank you for opening the treasure of wisdom and reaffirming the words of life. Mark
I love using oracle cards and one was chosen for me by a Circle Leader ... The Ever Unfolding Rose ... the message, 'cracked open its happening for you, not to you'. The room of grief ... a place where we are forced (oh yes) to go to redefine ourselves. A threshold of transformation. I think many of us fight crossing this threshold, we don't wallow in grief as so many presume, because we somehow don't want to redefine ourselves. The 'bereaved' cling on to try and make sense of the loss ... and years many of us down the line are still at that threshold hesitating and asking why? Somehow a mother who has lost a child just does not want to walk on ... for so many mothers it doesn't seem the right thing to do and they get 'lost in time'. I have often been told I will grow from this huge trauma in my life ... how easily some encourage us onwards ... but all I wanted was to slowly grow old watching my child grow into his life and witness his adventures, that was all I wanted and needed so for me I struggle even after all these years with how I need to grow from such a wretched loss.
This Folding In resonated on a particularly profound level. Thank you for it, Sarah. 😚 I have been stumped by + so frustrated by times when my body seemed to be betraying me. I have drowned in the sorrow of “what have I done wrong” or “what have I done to deserve this”. But, having arrived at a place much more settled in myself now, I can say those long epochs of time where my mind + body were infinitely struggling were absolutely necessary times for me to know myself better. Know my heart better without a modicum of hesitation. And dispensing, TREMENDOUSLY, with feeling shame for being born into this world supremely sensitive. The heat in my body was grief over feeling, most everything, so deeply. AND, deep shame for feeling alien on this planet for feeling so darn deeply. It’s my superpower though…I now know that. You must know that too, Sarah. We’re superheroes (yes!) because we feel everything so much + can thusly be “the light that feeds all other life”. ❤️
I’m with you in this contemplation, in this shared experience. I started a book just yesterday about grief, titled The Wild Side of Sorrow by Francis Weller (a reread from years ago that I highly recommend). I spoke of my angst with another recently, who happened to be a former hospice worker. She was quick to name it and, in doing so, gave me a sort of permission to be with it. I wanted to hide from it, and I too layered on shame. No more. I love your fire analogy and will use it as a visual. To let it burn, maybe even add a few logs, let it warm me. Thank you for sharing your experience in this folding in, so much gratitude 🙏 💕.
After a month of struggling to sit with surfacing sadness and grief, this is exactly what I needed to hear…not only me and it’s okay. Thank you for speaking for me.🙏❤️
Thank you for this, as ever Sarah. Initially I thought I heard sadness & despondency in your voice but came to realise that your acceptance of the exploration of discomfort actually serves to heal & comfort. I resonate so much with the continued questioning of my sensitivity and overly thoughtful & feeling heart & the way I denigrate myself & wonder why others don’t seem to be so deeply affected by the world as I am.
Hearing you ask the question ‘what am I doing right?’ spins this on its head & makes it so much more bearable, enjoyable & acceptable even. Thank you for helping me change my perspective & soften the harshness of my personal analysis. I need reminding of this daily…maybe I should place a print on my wall to remind me…
‘dear one, but what are you doing right?’
Blessings & heartfelt thanks 🙏🏼 💫
Hi Karen! You likely did hear some sadness in my voice, it was a tender piece for me to write and share. I think we all need "what are you doing right?" posted on our walls. Thank you for your beautiful words and kinship.
Thank you Sarah, indeed tender is the word, & oh to be able to hold that tenderness in our hearts to always offer ourselves 💫
For much of this year, I've felt a mild numbness—a thin shell that allowed just enough feeling that I feared I wouldn't open again. Then, an unexplained shift last week. Grace, I guess. I don't know what went right, but I'll take it. I've gotten to the point that this openness of heart—this fuller feeling of happiness, grief, all the colors—is perhaps the most important thing to me.
I hear you Sarah. My mouth is regularly on fire with burning mouth syndrome and apthous ulcers most weeks ... grief rages through me too ... and like you I feel as if grief has been with me for most of my life. I lost my first baby and then fifteen years later my son and have always believed the deep pain felt in my upper arms is grief trapped a daily reminder ... rising from the heart and down through the arms but blocked because I have no child to hold ... and aching is yearning to be held. I believe very much in body mind connection. I massage my arms, I use essential oils, and I weep. I am inflamed ... angry with so much in my past and present day life ... the injustices and so on ... my ulcers eat away at me ... my mouth burns ... anger is sadness for me with nowhere to go. Now seventy I tense against further challenges ... these senses of foreboding. We are expected to 'get over our losses' to suit other's expectations. How few understand what another goes through in life. Many blessings x
Jane, thank you so much for sharing this intimate, heart-rending moment with us. Your practice of massaging your arms and taking care of that ache touches me. Thanks for your kinship, I'm so glad to connect with you here. Let us hold each other's pain in community.
Jane, thank you for sharing. I hope that in time your grief and rage and tired arms find solace, peace, and grace. I lost a 5-month, second trimester baby myself in 2022 and I know the depth of that pain. I am comforted by knowing he is always with me. In fact, his nickname was Poppy and Sarah mentioned being the color of Poppy. Every time, I hear or see Poppies, I know that is him, telling me, I am okay, Mommy and I love you, Mommy. But it is hard not to grief not being able to hold him in my arms. I allow my grief to present itself wherever and whenever because I know that grief is love with nowhere to go. 💚
Dearest Jane💞
Thank you for opening up and sharing what weighs heavy for you. Not easy to be so open about events that have shackled the heart. I bow to your immense courage, journey and the trust you have shown us all here.
My heart sends you much peace, love and light. 🙏💖🙏
Oh Jane, sending so much love & strength to you for your losses. Your analysis of your grief makes so much sense…I wish for you for a kinder, more gentle place for your grief to reside & sending loving blessings 💫
🙏 Jane…. At 71, I send you much love and strength to continue. I’m deeply, deeply sorry for your precious losses🙏❤️
Fire 🔥 in your belly arising with no where to hide or to go. Kali, keeps a fire going in the foundation of my BEing. I climb down the stairs to visit her. Sometimes it’s barely a smolder and at other times it’s a huge, apocalyptic inferno. She cackles and shares she’s “burning the fat away.” All the stuff of my life no longer needed, the false narratives, harsh critic, the one who has her finger forever glued to the worry button. I know this fire you speak of Sarah, and it clears the path for the “What am I doing right?” to be clearly felt without the thorns and brambles. Tears fell down my cheeks in your life giving meditation. I’ve been through a tough one with a very painful encounter. I was able to spend time w/ my mentor processing and integrating it. Today, this has called up and forth any remnants that lagged behind for my tender attention, holding and then release. My deepest gratitude 🙏🏽for you and for our connection here to what matters most. In love and light I am, we are, forever as one. Mahalo Nui. 💜💫
Joanie, it is such a gift to hear that you carry the same fire and that you recognize the initiation within it. What a joy it is to hear so many women gathering around our communal fire in this way. There is immense wisdom here. Your sharing is very much appreciated.
Lol! Just learned how to “edit” thus my deleted second comment. Always learning something new as I navigate this platform. 😅🔥
Thank you, Sarah. This is so incredibly beautiful and touched me deeply. It felt like you were reflecting my experience so intimately and accurately. You’re such a beautiful soul!! Thank you for sharing the light beaming from your translucent skin. I, too, feel permission to embrace the complexities of my deep feeling Self and that I am not alone. Not one bit. Thank you, thank you, thank you ♥️🌹
We are not one bit alone, but often thinking we are. Thank you for being here, and writing this little note of love to me.
Sarah. ❤️ Thank you for this message and meditation today. Just asking myself ‘what am I doing right?’, created a lightness in my chest and an ease in my breathing. I was then aware of the unconscious repetition of the question ‘what am I doing wrong?’ It plays on repeat in my mind and heart. I also have a recent skin rash but on my legs. Your message syncs with how I feel and process life. Grief alongside fear, my companions. Your insights give me much to sit with. I deeply appreciate all that you are and all that you share. Many thanks. ♥️
Lisa, I felt the lightness in my chest to!
I too saw a healer last year for several acupuncture. She saw my rosascea starting and I had not seen it yet. She told me I was too "hot" with slow chi. I have had sooooo much grief in last 4 years but have been a grieving person my whole life as well. This podcast was exquisite (as always) and I gently wrapped my arms in a hug for myself during the meditation..Thank you for the mantra. 🙏
So beautiful. I have no words. Thank you for sharing, for planting the seeds of love, wisdom, compassion and self compassion over and over again in a multitude of ways. And thank you for leading the way through the fire, always, all ways.
Sarah, I felt this deep within. Your words often so eloquently define words that I cannot say. Today’s writing reminds me of the bravery one has when “responding to your listening by lighting up your body with light most are afraid to touch.” I don’t like the red fire in my chest either but for today I’m choosing Presence, holding both grief and joy.
I am grateful for these words on grief. "What are you doing right?" Years ago in a season of grief a wise old spiritual director reminded me of the room of grief, he said, "It is a place we go when we are forced to redefine ourselves." Then he said, "You are doing right by exploring this room because it is a threshold of transformation." He simply invited me to explore and be curious...looking back it opened up to a new way of savoring every moment. He taught me that everyday is a "bonus day." Perusal thank you for opening the treasure of wisdom and reaffirming the words of life. Mark
I love using oracle cards and one was chosen for me by a Circle Leader ... The Ever Unfolding Rose ... the message, 'cracked open its happening for you, not to you'. The room of grief ... a place where we are forced (oh yes) to go to redefine ourselves. A threshold of transformation. I think many of us fight crossing this threshold, we don't wallow in grief as so many presume, because we somehow don't want to redefine ourselves. The 'bereaved' cling on to try and make sense of the loss ... and years many of us down the line are still at that threshold hesitating and asking why? Somehow a mother who has lost a child just does not want to walk on ... for so many mothers it doesn't seem the right thing to do and they get 'lost in time'. I have often been told I will grow from this huge trauma in my life ... how easily some encourage us onwards ... but all I wanted was to slowly grow old watching my child grow into his life and witness his adventures, that was all I wanted and needed so for me I struggle even after all these years with how I need to grow from such a wretched loss.
Wow! What great wisdom! "You are doing right by exploring this room because it is a threshold of transformation. "
That was amazing. Feeling connected to this community and all humanity. Thank you
Hi Bruce! thank you for connecting and commenting. It's always so lovely.
May we all continue to seek exposure and nakedness so that we may discover the full life.
so be it. thank you, Keith.
This Folding In resonated on a particularly profound level. Thank you for it, Sarah. 😚 I have been stumped by + so frustrated by times when my body seemed to be betraying me. I have drowned in the sorrow of “what have I done wrong” or “what have I done to deserve this”. But, having arrived at a place much more settled in myself now, I can say those long epochs of time where my mind + body were infinitely struggling were absolutely necessary times for me to know myself better. Know my heart better without a modicum of hesitation. And dispensing, TREMENDOUSLY, with feeling shame for being born into this world supremely sensitive. The heat in my body was grief over feeling, most everything, so deeply. AND, deep shame for feeling alien on this planet for feeling so darn deeply. It’s my superpower though…I now know that. You must know that too, Sarah. We’re superheroes (yes!) because we feel everything so much + can thusly be “the light that feeds all other life”. ❤️
I’m with you in this contemplation, in this shared experience. I started a book just yesterday about grief, titled The Wild Side of Sorrow by Francis Weller (a reread from years ago that I highly recommend). I spoke of my angst with another recently, who happened to be a former hospice worker. She was quick to name it and, in doing so, gave me a sort of permission to be with it. I wanted to hide from it, and I too layered on shame. No more. I love your fire analogy and will use it as a visual. To let it burn, maybe even add a few logs, let it warm me. Thank you for sharing your experience in this folding in, so much gratitude 🙏 💕.
Laurie, thank you for sharing tge book! I am going g to order it today!
Love how we can substitute grief with anything we are trying not to feel.
“I would follow {fear/worry/stress/loneliness/heartache} anywhere,"
“It tells me you're alive."
Thank you for this, Marjorie!
After a month of struggling to sit with surfacing sadness and grief, this is exactly what I needed to hear…not only me and it’s okay. Thank you for speaking for me.🙏❤️