The Flame of Innocence
on the loving, wise heart that harbours the inner gold and a genuine path forward.
One of my favourite memories of all time was when I was on a camping trip with some friends some years ago. I was sitting by the glass lake in the early morning, talking with my friend's daughter, who was 4 at the time. I hung on her every word as if she were the world's greatest storyteller. This wasn’t a problem, because she really was. She paused for a moment, mid-story, and looked at me with her eyes squinting. She said suspiciously, “You’re not one of those, adults, are you?”
I smiled so wide that it nearly split my cheeks, and elated, I said, “Me? Adult, no. Not me.”
“Good,” she answered, as she took my hand and led me through the forest for a walk.
I had somehow re-entered the kingdom of childhood. I still do not know what she saw that day. There was something different about the way I was with her compared to usual adults. Into her world of play and small delights, she welcomed me. It still makes me feel terribly honored.
My life is guided by this memory. As often as possible, I sit or kneel down and place my face and ear close to whatever lovely breathing thing I'm beholding. This life, this one glinting in the light, gives me everything, and in return I try and give all of myself. This is a muscle I have had to learn to strengthen over time, and that muscle is the muscle of generosity of spirit and heart.
When I was reflecting on what innocence was, I saw that Generosity is at the heart of innocence. The act of giving without conditions. It is offering all of ourselves every moment.Giving is something we grow out of and become deficient in as we mature. We are either distracted or actively deny another person our love. Children however are not caught in this. They know instinctively how to be present with and in the world, and that is the secret to reclaiming it. Our hearts must be given endlessly and without hesitation.
“I often think of innocence as been being a commodity, which is going to be replaced by experience, but innocence is a kind of faculty, and I’ve often describe innocence as you’re ability to be re-found by the world. Innocence is not something to be replaced by experience it’s something to be kept alive as a precious flame. Innocence is your ability to allow yourself to be found by a waiting world, and to be found in a different way than the you were found yesterday. Innocence is a brave form of incarnation and of giftedness, and you could say of generosity.” -David Whyte
Heartbreak wounds this natural, inborn impulse to selflessly give, and “be found by a waiting world” but I think it can be willfully chosen and brought back online. It is my belief that we are born with an inherent sense of discernment and clarity. The heart is at the center, and we are fully open. The world is our home and we love everything with open arms. Having unflinching trust and a deep connection to the rhythms of creation, we were equal to everyone and everything. Our lives have been touched by this. It can be recalled. We are not talking about a fantasy here. We can keep this precious flame alive.
Thomas Merton said something striking in a meditation I read that left me quivering without skin for days: "Your child heart did not betray you." The message told me, "Whatever you knew, all those years ago, wasn't wrong. Continue believing in love and life's magic. No one stops you, but yourself.” It revealed my tenderest being and broke through a thick crust on top of it. There was a sense that something came up from beneath and was gasping for air. Suddenly, it was as if someone handed me my heart back, and told me not to waste any more time without it.