Risking Everything

thoughts on love, and bringing it closer.

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Sometimes before I fall asleep, I pray for another day to prove I can love. To prove I can embrace the love in my life. I pray for another day because on hard days, I am too tired to reach over to my husband and express my gratitude for him. Too tired to extend myself. Too tired to open the latches from my door. Too tired to be tender, and so I ask for another chance. And today I begin again. Standing alert within myself in the kitchen. Catching criticism at the gate of my mouth before it leaves into the room. Watching my want for warm arms around me, while refusing to give my own and I wonder again why there is so much distance between our longing and our actions. How is it, the life and love we most long for, sits behind a heavy door? 

What is this distance? And why does it feel so terrifying to cross? So terrifying at times, to give our love?

Perhaps it is because we worry we will not be received in our love, that  our offering will be refused or worse ignored. Maybe we fear there is no one on the other side to feel all the love we wish to give. Maybe we are afraid this love will have nowhere to land, and so our defenses, walls, and judgments, make more sense and feel better to us. More safe at least.  Maybe cold shoulders and criticism will stop us from feeling the sting of our unrequited love. Maybe all the love we wish to give is hidden behind our coldness, as a sign of just how much love we wish to give. Maybe the most cold, are hiding mountains of it. 

And for all the love we have risked to give, may we see what boons this love has brought to us. How the love we poured into another, made a life raft for us to rest on a moment. So if you have met a loving person, one who opens to you like a sun, and laughs and embraces you easily,  know how much courage it took that person. Know how many choices they made in opposition to the voice that told them to close their heart. Know how brave they were in crossing the distance. And when you lay your head down to sleep, ask for another day to try to become the expression you must long to be in this life. And when you wake and notice you are going to latch the gate again, stop it before it closes. Catch the distance before it grows. Stop the divide from opening up and pushing you away. The sooner you do the easier it becomes to stay open and remain open. Let that love you want to feel, be the love you give with every breath. You still have time. We all do. 

This world will always need the brave, fearless love, only you know how to give. The way your hands rest on a body, the way your eyes carry light into the room of everyone, if a gift. May you wake every day, remembering the mountain of love contained in you is not meant to be concealed but revealed, over and over again, without restraint.

Imagine every day, you were given another chance to tailor all your actions into loving ones. Imagine every day, you asked yourself, is this moment better off because it passed by me? Have I tasted many apples as I could?

with all my heart, thank you for being here. Happy day of honouring LOVE.

love,

Sarah